When I say Chemistry I'm not talking about the science of chemistry I'm talking about the chemistry that may or may not exist between two people.
I was talking with one of my friends today and they were talking about the chemistry that they had just discovered between them and someone she new, but barley. Has anyone else ever found that they have an amazing chemistry with someone, and that the moment that person walks in the room, anyone and everyone that is in the room can just fell the tension between the two of you?
When she began talking about her newly found chemistry, I thought about Mighty Mouse and the chemistry that we had together. It was something that I had never had up until that point. Also, I had never thought that in a million years I would meet someone so incredible and funny on a boat floating around in the middle of the Gulf. Chemistry between two people is something that is unexpected but a major WOW factor. It can have a good and also a bod effect on you. The effect will on you will not be known until it's happened.
It's gotten to the point where I do my best NOT to think about him. I'm doing my best to move past that point in my life, and just keep on chugging forth. I met him during my first Mediterranean slash Gulf deployment. I had been working in the HAZMAT supply office and it was my job one day to "tag" the line to make sure no one else came and got in line, so we could all go eat lunch.
It just so happens that it was the very day he was the last one in line. We wound up hitting it off right away, talking and laughing, just having a great time. That's when the sparks of chemistry started to fly. I guess you could say that we were one of those people that instantly find chemistry together. We were lucky to have found each other.
The chemistry that we had together was amazing, and I loved every minute of it. If I could go back and change it, I wouldn't. It was an amazing ride.
What happened to the chemistry and what happened between us? Well, that is another story for another day, you'll just have to check back to see what else their is.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
In a haze and funk
It has been a rough few weeks, and days. Sometimes, it seems as if the dreariness that I fell will never end and go away. Things have not been going that great for me since my stint on active duty has ended. My mood has been really somber, and very much teetering on the edge of endless tears. The frustration and the emptiness of my current predicament weighs heavy on my mind as well as shoulders.
It is not easy for someone like me that comes off active duty to come to terms with the fact that, after years of a constant motion of duty, I have to start all over again, and that means starting off at the bottom. When I entered the military eight years ago I had worked my way up from earning minimum wake of 5.50 an hour to 7.75.
Now a days the minimum wage IS what I was making then. It is hard trying to come to terms with it, as well as the pressure that comes with the searching of jobs. When you are on your way out of the military they really do not prepare you enough (in my opinion) for the obstacles that you will face, once you are on the outside. Although, I'm not sure what they could do differently to better prepare us for the outside.
It is never a fun time when the darkness begins to envelop me and threaten to take me down. A lot of times, it will take me a few days to slowly come out of it a begin to feel better. Mostly it's thanks in part to my friends and my dog that help bring me out of the haze. Mostly I make my self suffer because it is just me here. I'm not as lucky as some people that have someone to go home to.
Now that I don't have a constant day-to-day interaction with co-workers, I have a lacking of social comfort. School does not count because I only talk to them once a week. My friends have busy lives, especially Minnie. Sometimes I don't know how that girl does what she does...but somehow, she does it with grace and a warm smile. It does get very lonely not having someone to go on new adventures with. Evil twin and Zelda are in Corpus Christi, Ducky is in Virginia along with Chiana, Alex is a new mom, and doesn't share the same spirit as I do. They all have separate lives and I miss them all. These individual people became my family over the years.
Thanks to them all, I don't know where I would be without them!
It's hard to push away the darkness, especially when you are someone like me that internalizes everything. As much as I do need help, I want to be able to make it on my own. When I was growing up, I never wanted to ask for help for fear of being though of stupid. It takes a lot still for me to ask for help, mainly because as previously stated, I want to do it on my own. The thing that I have to realize is, I do need help, and there are people or a person to help...Mom. She may not be fully aware of how I feel but she does try to help me.
To those who have someone to go home to every night, that has someone to hug them at the end of the day, and tell them that everything is going to be ok. Please, be thankful, no matter what that you do have that someone there to support you. Me, I just have Daisy to go home to, and sleep with, and sometimes that just isn't enough. Everyone tells me that I'll eventually find someone, but I don't feel it.
Finding a way out of the haze is an every day battle, no matter who you are. I do my best to be an up-beat and happy person, but when the world feels like it's going to crash down around me, that's the moment that I feel despair and sink to the inside. I am my own worse enemy, I am harder on myself than other people are, and I berate myself for than anyone could imagine. To me if I do something wrong, or mess up on something it's ten times worse. No one could possibly do worse than myself.
It is never a fun spot to be in, the haze. If anyone out there goes through it if they ever need someone to talk to my inbox is always open. The dark and haze is not the place to be, I have to make myself get out more even though I'm almost afraid to.The moral of my story tonight is, it is never easy starting over. Thar's all for tonight, my darling Dizzy (Daisy) is ready to go up-stairs and go to bed, and my hip is bothering my again, so the pain is making me bid you adieu until tomorrow.
It is not easy for someone like me that comes off active duty to come to terms with the fact that, after years of a constant motion of duty, I have to start all over again, and that means starting off at the bottom. When I entered the military eight years ago I had worked my way up from earning minimum wake of 5.50 an hour to 7.75.
Now a days the minimum wage IS what I was making then. It is hard trying to come to terms with it, as well as the pressure that comes with the searching of jobs. When you are on your way out of the military they really do not prepare you enough (in my opinion) for the obstacles that you will face, once you are on the outside. Although, I'm not sure what they could do differently to better prepare us for the outside.
It is never a fun time when the darkness begins to envelop me and threaten to take me down. A lot of times, it will take me a few days to slowly come out of it a begin to feel better. Mostly it's thanks in part to my friends and my dog that help bring me out of the haze. Mostly I make my self suffer because it is just me here. I'm not as lucky as some people that have someone to go home to.
Now that I don't have a constant day-to-day interaction with co-workers, I have a lacking of social comfort. School does not count because I only talk to them once a week. My friends have busy lives, especially Minnie. Sometimes I don't know how that girl does what she does...but somehow, she does it with grace and a warm smile. It does get very lonely not having someone to go on new adventures with. Evil twin and Zelda are in Corpus Christi, Ducky is in Virginia along with Chiana, Alex is a new mom, and doesn't share the same spirit as I do. They all have separate lives and I miss them all. These individual people became my family over the years.
Thanks to them all, I don't know where I would be without them!
It's hard to push away the darkness, especially when you are someone like me that internalizes everything. As much as I do need help, I want to be able to make it on my own. When I was growing up, I never wanted to ask for help for fear of being though of stupid. It takes a lot still for me to ask for help, mainly because as previously stated, I want to do it on my own. The thing that I have to realize is, I do need help, and there are people or a person to help...Mom. She may not be fully aware of how I feel but she does try to help me.
To those who have someone to go home to every night, that has someone to hug them at the end of the day, and tell them that everything is going to be ok. Please, be thankful, no matter what that you do have that someone there to support you. Me, I just have Daisy to go home to, and sleep with, and sometimes that just isn't enough. Everyone tells me that I'll eventually find someone, but I don't feel it.
Finding a way out of the haze is an every day battle, no matter who you are. I do my best to be an up-beat and happy person, but when the world feels like it's going to crash down around me, that's the moment that I feel despair and sink to the inside. I am my own worse enemy, I am harder on myself than other people are, and I berate myself for than anyone could imagine. To me if I do something wrong, or mess up on something it's ten times worse. No one could possibly do worse than myself.
It is never a fun spot to be in, the haze. If anyone out there goes through it if they ever need someone to talk to my inbox is always open. The dark and haze is not the place to be, I have to make myself get out more even though I'm almost afraid to.The moral of my story tonight is, it is never easy starting over. Thar's all for tonight, my darling Dizzy (Daisy) is ready to go up-stairs and go to bed, and my hip is bothering my again, so the pain is making me bid you adieu until tomorrow.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Kindness
The other day someone payed me the kind of complement I had never received before. They said they wanted to be like me, because I am always so nice to people, and I always smile.
I don't know why anyone would want to be me, but I appreciate it none the less. I am or I think I try to be a kind person. I like to be nice to people, it's my nature I guess. When I was growing up people were not very nice to me. They picked on me and called me names, I never understood why.
I'm one of those people that try their best to do what they can for my friends or for anyone that deserves it, and even those that don't.
When my friend told me this I was a little blown away, she said she wanted to be nicer to people because she feels she's a bitch most of the time. Which, in all honesty she is but she can be nice too, when she tried. She didn't think I got mad and blew up at people. My Chief that had been sitting in there listing started laughing and told her that I have in fact blown up on people, and she's seen it, it just takes a while to do it.
I have a really big heart, and I'm sensitive to the extreme. Which is a quality I'm not that fond of. Emotions are not my best friend, their my worst enemy, I think it has a lot to do with anxiety. I want to do what I can for people because I want to and I know that most will not go that extra mile for anyone no matter what.
Morale of the story or rambling is be nice to be nice, not to get anything out of it but to give a little part of you to someone else, and maybe you will be that one person that shows them that kindness in that day, or week. They may take the kindness that you have shown and put it to good use, or even start a chain and pass it one.
I don't know why anyone would want to be me, but I appreciate it none the less. I am or I think I try to be a kind person. I like to be nice to people, it's my nature I guess. When I was growing up people were not very nice to me. They picked on me and called me names, I never understood why.
I'm one of those people that try their best to do what they can for my friends or for anyone that deserves it, and even those that don't.
When my friend told me this I was a little blown away, she said she wanted to be nicer to people because she feels she's a bitch most of the time. Which, in all honesty she is but she can be nice too, when she tried. She didn't think I got mad and blew up at people. My Chief that had been sitting in there listing started laughing and told her that I have in fact blown up on people, and she's seen it, it just takes a while to do it.
I have a really big heart, and I'm sensitive to the extreme. Which is a quality I'm not that fond of. Emotions are not my best friend, their my worst enemy, I think it has a lot to do with anxiety. I want to do what I can for people because I want to and I know that most will not go that extra mile for anyone no matter what.
Morale of the story or rambling is be nice to be nice, not to get anything out of it but to give a little part of you to someone else, and maybe you will be that one person that shows them that kindness in that day, or week. They may take the kindness that you have shown and put it to good use, or even start a chain and pass it one.
Friday, July 3, 2009
What tha!
What else is next? Fist the one person in this world I love the most leaves me then my curve ball finds out he's leaving on Sunday. He's not going to Iraq yet, he has to go through training. But he's going there eventually and he'll be back about this time next year. I'm sad to see him go, he's one of my close friends and I don't really know what's next at least as far as I go? I'm at a loss for most anything these days, I'm not sure what to do, most of my friends say there's nothing I can do. It just seems that I'm losing at every turn. My best friend just told me she's engaged and when her fiancee gets back from cruise their going to be married. I'm very happy for her but at the same time it hurts because I was going to be getting married when my guy got back next summer, now I'm not and it hurts every day that I think about that and no one not even me, can do anything about it.
My 25th birthday
On the 29th of June I turned 25. So since it was my birthday my friend Gin (Ginny Link) decided that she would make the best of it for me starting at 1145 the night before. The story with that is two years ago we had flown to VA to go to the boat on early det for COMPTUEX, and I told her as we were sitting on the bus going to the boat that it was my birthday, it was 1219 am and what does the woman do? She yells out that it's my birthday and tries to get everyone to sing happy birthday to me that was there, it wound up being just here but it was funny and embarrassing, but it was sweet of her to do. That's why she decided to show up at my house at 1145 on the 28th. I had just gotten back from SC and was exhausted and trying to sleep but she was persistent then she decides to call me and tell me to come down and let her in! I told her let yourself in you have a key!!! In all her bubblieness she came in and waited for it to be 19 minutes after midnight and proceeded to sing happy birthday to me, and she brought a balloon for me! So the very same morning much later now, I went and picked her up at her apartment and took her to PSD, then I had to stop and get gas on base. Shouldn't have stopped I just new she was going to do something, and oh boy did she. She's on the other side of the car standing up and talking to me over the car as I'm getting gas and then next thing you know she's telling everyone that it's my birthday as loud as she could. Then there was lunch and oh boy can she be a sneaky little devil, we had just sat down to eat and she was telling me she forgot her phone in the car (yeah, right) so I gave her the keys and she comes back sits down, and tells me I might want to move that box next to me before somebody trips over it. I has no idea where it cam from and she had this "I'm innocent look" on her face. She kept bugging me to open it. I was trying to wait until after I had finished my lunch but nope I had to open it then. She had made me a knotted UGA fleece blanket that had two different sides. One had Harry dawg on it, the Arches, and the Older UGA bulldog on it, the other side is my favorite, it has the UGA "G" on it printed in an Argyle style. So we've finished eating and I knew she was going to do something yet again and she did I couldn't walk fast enough. She started singing happy birthday to me as we walked out of Zaxby's. Gin is a one of a kind gal!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Understanding...or not
Sometimes when you need someone to understand or many someones to understand they don't. They may or may not try. The only person that would know if they did or did not would be them. My friends, well most, with the exception of two don't seem to really understand why I do what I do. Friends are there to support you and be there for you through the bad times, it doesn't mean that they agree with what you are doing. Most of my friends don't understand why I still love Him, or why I still want to be with him. First of all they are not us, so therefore they don't understand what is between us or what we have talked about on a one on one bases, and second of all they may not have the devotion and patience and possibly the love that I posses. I'm the type of person that doesn't give up or doesn't want t0 give up. I don't do the bashing of the one that has hurt me and I'm not putting my life on hold. My friends seem to think that I'm putting my life on hold for Him, and I'm not. I will see other people if the occasion arises, but it will only be to fill the void. I don't want to be with any other person at this moment and I don't know when or if I will want to. But it's my decision to make, and I appreciate their concern, I just need them to understand that it's my decision to make and I'll make the one that suites me the best. Love is not a light switch, you can't turn it off and on at a moments notice.
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