It's been a while since I've been able to commit myselft to writing my thoughts and everyday worries down. So, here I am again bearing it all for the greater good...or just for those that by some chance of fate happen across my little piece of mind.
I think the thing that irks me the most is, the feeling of insignificance, or in basic terms being ignored by those around you, mostly your friends.
I'm not sure whyit bothers me, perhaps it's from feeling ignored by my father for a majority of my life, but that is a story for another time.
It is never a pleasant feeling being ignored by people who you want to have a conversation with. It's only human to want to have a connection with people other than your family, or in my case, my dog. When that happens, it makes me feel like crap, that I'm just so insignificant to that person that I'm not even a mere blip on there radar.
People have a history of having that effect on me, of making me feel time and time again that I do not matter, and every time I let thm get away with it. It's enough to drive you mad and really question yourself and your own motives for most anything that has something to do with the one that person.
When is it enough? When do you decide to throw in the towel and just say "to Hell with it all?"
That's what I want to know, when do I just give up? It exasperates my patience to try and try and try, maybe it is insanity by asking the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I don't want to be to drama queen and just say "I get the hint, I'll shut up and leave you alone I will never ask a damn thing of you again?"
I've been down that road before and I'd prefer to not go back down there.
I just hate feeling so insignificant to people when I never view them that way.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Monday, October 22, 2012
Oh the places I want to go!
Feeling trapped within the bounds of my house as well as the continental U.S. has given my mind plenty of time to roam around the world and think about the places I would like to visit. I'll start with the places within the U.S. that I would like to go.
- Las Vegas, Nevada
- Disneyland, California
- New Orleans, Louisiana
- Charleston, South Carolina
- Washington, D.C.
- New York City, New York
- Key West, Florida
- London, England
- Edinburgh, Scotland
- Paris, France
- Loire Valley, France
- Normandy, France
- Brittany, France
- Rome, Italy
- Venice, Italy
- Verona, Italy
- Florence, Italy
- Athens, Greece
- Hania, Crete, Greece
- St. Petersburg
- Stonehenge
- Queens Gallery
- Climb the Eiffel tower
- Visit the Louvre
- Explore Versailles
- Walk the gardens of Chateau Chenunceau
- See the Toullerie Gardens
- Walk the beaches of Normandy
- See the tomb of Juliette (as an adult, and not lay down in it this time ;p)
- Glassblowing shops of Venice
- St. Peters square
- Statue of David and art museums in Florence
- Ruins of Ancient Greece
- The Winter Palace in Russia (home to the last Tsar and his family, yes, that means Anastasia Romanov)
- Mardi Gras and the French Quarter
- Visit Disneyland
- Statue of Liberty (got close last time, just didn't get off the boat)
- Ellis Island (really explore this time)
- White Star Line pier (the one Titanic was supposed to dock at)
- Broadway show (Les Mis, Scandalous, Wicked, Book of Mormon)
- Smithsonian Museum (All of them)
- Washington monument
- Lincoln Memorial
- Vietnam Memorial
- Arlington National Cemetery (I have friends remains interred there)
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Bright Ideas
Sometimes I wonder if my Mom wonders where the hell I get my hare-brained ideas from.
Why do I wonder if she wonders? Easy. Because I do come up with some really bright ideas. My latest idea...run a 5K in Disney World. I've wanted to do a run down there ever since I discovered that there were runs. There is a marathon weekend in January and February that generally involves a marathon, half marathon, and a family fun run 5K. To me, it seems like a lot of fun. They have a fitness expo at the Wide Workd o Sports ESPN center the day before the races begin.
The expo is where go to check in and get everything you need for the race that weekend. They also have fitness talks and tips and they even have professionals there that will give you tips on how to increase your time and how to maintain your mile time. It looks like a lot of fun to go down there for the weekend enjoy the park, and run through Epcot while no one is there except the runners.
Most of my friends know that I am a Disney fan, and that is a plus of doing the run down there. Especially, if you stay at one of the resorts then you get a discount rate on the rooms and tickets, but not only that, the day of the race they have buses that will run to take you to the start line. I think Mom is a little more reluctant to go beause it is Disney and it does cost money to stay there for the two nights that we will be there.
One of the funnier and more brilliant things about the races is the fact that, they actually encourage you to dress up, be whimsical, and run the race at the same time. There are a fair amount of people who actually will. I see it as a prime opportunity for Mom to do her favorite thing...be silly and embarass me. It's always a sight to see my Mom ride a grocery cart across the parking lot, and if I'm not around to see it, she has the courtesy to all or text me just to let me know. I think she even emailed me to tell me that when I was on cruise.
I have wanted to do the half marathon, but I haven't trained for it and even Mom Sachs she can't do a half marathon, after it is 13 point something miles. My goal is to see how well I like the 5K and if I do I want to train and do my best to try and participate in the Wine and Dine half marathon in Seotember of next year. It has been a while since I've ran long distance, but thanks to Run Disney and Nike+ I have a program that I can create to help me get ready. I'm more fond of running on the beach barefoot...it's really nice to run with a sea breeze and wave sounds, and if you're feeling frisky, you can run in the surf or just jump into the water once you've finished running. That's what Mom does after a bike ride, she will get home and immediately jump into the pool with all her bike clothes on.
When I was younger and went on BRAG wit her, my cousin and I thought it was the funniest thing in the world to see pee jump into the pool with their clothes on, especially when it was my Mom.
I'm really hoping and looking forward to doing the Disney World Mickey and Minnie Royal Family Fun Run 5K. I think it would be a great experience and it's something for me to focus on and work towards, especially since I will be done with school in a few months. I just hope Mom is onward with my latest bright idea, if not then I hope that I can get some friends to join me.
Fingers crossed, hoping for a job, and hoping to do something new and never done before.
Why do I wonder if she wonders? Easy. Because I do come up with some really bright ideas. My latest idea...run a 5K in Disney World. I've wanted to do a run down there ever since I discovered that there were runs. There is a marathon weekend in January and February that generally involves a marathon, half marathon, and a family fun run 5K. To me, it seems like a lot of fun. They have a fitness expo at the Wide Workd o Sports ESPN center the day before the races begin.
The expo is where go to check in and get everything you need for the race that weekend. They also have fitness talks and tips and they even have professionals there that will give you tips on how to increase your time and how to maintain your mile time. It looks like a lot of fun to go down there for the weekend enjoy the park, and run through Epcot while no one is there except the runners.
Most of my friends know that I am a Disney fan, and that is a plus of doing the run down there. Especially, if you stay at one of the resorts then you get a discount rate on the rooms and tickets, but not only that, the day of the race they have buses that will run to take you to the start line. I think Mom is a little more reluctant to go beause it is Disney and it does cost money to stay there for the two nights that we will be there.
One of the funnier and more brilliant things about the races is the fact that, they actually encourage you to dress up, be whimsical, and run the race at the same time. There are a fair amount of people who actually will. I see it as a prime opportunity for Mom to do her favorite thing...be silly and embarass me. It's always a sight to see my Mom ride a grocery cart across the parking lot, and if I'm not around to see it, she has the courtesy to all or text me just to let me know. I think she even emailed me to tell me that when I was on cruise.
I have wanted to do the half marathon, but I haven't trained for it and even Mom Sachs she can't do a half marathon, after it is 13 point something miles. My goal is to see how well I like the 5K and if I do I want to train and do my best to try and participate in the Wine and Dine half marathon in Seotember of next year. It has been a while since I've ran long distance, but thanks to Run Disney and Nike+ I have a program that I can create to help me get ready. I'm more fond of running on the beach barefoot...it's really nice to run with a sea breeze and wave sounds, and if you're feeling frisky, you can run in the surf or just jump into the water once you've finished running. That's what Mom does after a bike ride, she will get home and immediately jump into the pool with all her bike clothes on.
When I was younger and went on BRAG wit her, my cousin and I thought it was the funniest thing in the world to see pee jump into the pool with their clothes on, especially when it was my Mom.
I'm really hoping and looking forward to doing the Disney World Mickey and Minnie Royal Family Fun Run 5K. I think it would be a great experience and it's something for me to focus on and work towards, especially since I will be done with school in a few months. I just hope Mom is onward with my latest bright idea, if not then I hope that I can get some friends to join me.
Fingers crossed, hoping for a job, and hoping to do something new and never done before.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Haunted
In the night you haunt me like a shadow that never seems to leave. My days are filled with want of another. I often wonder why you refuse to leave my thoughts and memories. It only makes it that much harder to find a peaceful existence. The days should be filled with the mindless thoughts of a past. I'm unsure of how to proceed some days, the memories are bittersweet but an unnessasary nuisance at the same time. The hump of an accord is a difficult and strange place to be. I only want what I everyone else has. I do not thin that is too much to ask of the Fates. Should they decide to act in my favor again. The Fates brought you to me once, and now they have brought someone anew. All I ask is that you leave me. Leave my dreams, leave my thoughts, just leave me be. The haunting of me is unwelcome. Apparition it is time you took your leave.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Adventures in cooking #2
The other day I began doing a google search for a white wine reduction sauce. I had batched Chef Robert on Restaurant impossible make one, and got the idea to try and make one myself. The recipe that I came across was a low carb but looked tasty. It didn't look to complicated, and as a self proclaimed chickatarien, I loved it more because it was a chicken recipe.
The recipe is called chicken breasts stuffed with spinach, Ricotta, and Gorgonzola cheese, with a zesty lemon sauce. Note to self though, the next time I make this recipe I need to make sure that I have tooth picks.
You start off by beating (tenderizing) two chicken breasts (you can do more if you have more than two in a package). Put the chicken between two sheets of plastic wrap, and use a rolling pin or a meat tenderizer (if you don't have either just use what you got). After you have gotten the chicken to a 1/4 in thick, you put the spinach, bacon and cheese mixture onto the middle of the breast, then fold and tuck the folds of the chicken with a tooth pick (or two).
Place the chicken in a skillet with either vegetable oil or extra virgin olive oil, brown and cook the chicken until its cooked all the way and the cheese melted. Then you serve it with the sauce. The sauce is a combo of one lemon juiced, disjoin mustard, chicken stock and white wine. The sauce didn't turn out well for me so I just ate the chicken the way it was.
It was very yummy, up until a few days ago I has never eaten Gorgonzola cheese, it's a very different cheese sort of crumbly and a little pungent, but once it's been cooked or added with something else, it adds so much more flavor to the dish. My advice is to go out on a limb try something new and you will be surprised.
Bonne manger!
The recipe is called chicken breasts stuffed with spinach, Ricotta, and Gorgonzola cheese, with a zesty lemon sauce. Note to self though, the next time I make this recipe I need to make sure that I have tooth picks.
You start off by beating (tenderizing) two chicken breasts (you can do more if you have more than two in a package). Put the chicken between two sheets of plastic wrap, and use a rolling pin or a meat tenderizer (if you don't have either just use what you got). After you have gotten the chicken to a 1/4 in thick, you put the spinach, bacon and cheese mixture onto the middle of the breast, then fold and tuck the folds of the chicken with a tooth pick (or two).
Place the chicken in a skillet with either vegetable oil or extra virgin olive oil, brown and cook the chicken until its cooked all the way and the cheese melted. Then you serve it with the sauce. The sauce is a combo of one lemon juiced, disjoin mustard, chicken stock and white wine. The sauce didn't turn out well for me so I just ate the chicken the way it was.
It was very yummy, up until a few days ago I has never eaten Gorgonzola cheese, it's a very different cheese sort of crumbly and a little pungent, but once it's been cooked or added with something else, it adds so much more flavor to the dish. My advice is to go out on a limb try something new and you will be surprised.
Bonne manger!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
History...fascinating!
As some people know, I am a huge history buff. To me it's an utterly fascinating subject, that never seems to not pique my interest. I still remember being in the library when I was in elementary school, and when I was supposed to be paying attention to something else, I saw the PBS broadcasting of the discovery of the Titanic. From that moment on, history as well as the Titanic became my fascination.
I'll get back to more on the Titanic later, I want to talk about the history that surrounds us, that is disappearing due to the loss of labour and manufacturing to other countries because it's cheaper, and as everybody knows its always about the money. In my sleepless state I came across this shoe on the History channel called, Abandoned. I've only seen this one show but it sucked me in immediately.
These three guys are at this factory called Scranton Lace. From 1916 to 2002 the factory produced Nottingham Lace, named so for Nottongham, England where the looms and even the first workers had come from. The factory is as you could or should tell from the titles of the show,the building is now abandoned. It closed its doors in 2002 with only about fifty employees left from a once grand 1,400. It really makes you wonder what in the hell has happened to us. We as Americans have seem to gone all cheap on everything, only wanting more and more money.
This lace factory is AMAZING! They really knew how to treat their employees. They had an infirmary, a bowling alley, a gym, and even a beauty shop with a full time barber. They were even a major part of the war effort in the 1940's by producing masquito netting, camoflogue netting, and parachutes. Is that not fascinating? Well, to me it is.
However, the sad part is, because labour was cheaper overseas, the demand for producing lace in the U.S. dramatically reduced, sending long standing, hardworking companies such as Scranton Lace into closing their doors. Why is that? Do you know how many jobs it could still have if they were not closed and still producing American made products? All those people in that area would have jobs and since their were jobs the local economy would more than likely be a fairly stable one.
I can understand the need for money, I'm an unemployed vet so really I do get it, but going overseas because it's cheaper and the labour restrictions are not the same or as demanding as withing the states, is a ridiculous reason to go overseas to produce products. We have the means to produce products right here in our own back yards so to speak, but instead we send our work over to China, the Philippines, and Taiwan.
People are out of work in the U.S. teach them a trade, teach them how to work in a factory such as Scranton Lace so that they have a job, they have a steady means of income, and so that we as Americans can start depending on ourselves again. We keep throwing history away and building over it to make bigger and better things, but loosing a little piece of ourselves time and time again.History has a pattern of repeating itself, and if we do not learn from history and our past mistakes, then how in the hell are we going to survive? History dearves to be preserved, and taken care of.
I wish I was able to go off on adventures like these men were doing, just walling through an old abandoned factory just looking at the history that was all around. It's an amazing opportunity to do something like that, but it would be another amazing opportunity to reopen such a nostalgic place, and provide jobs for the community as well as a boost to our crumbling economy. It's my opinion that the less we look in our own backyard to help preserve who we have come to be as people and a nation, and the more we look to subsidize everything to foreign
Laces, we are just inviting something to come and bite us in the ass.
I know I said I would get to the Titanic story, and I will, just not tonight. I rambled on for too long. I hope you enjoyed or understood my ratings, I love history and I hate to see it disappear and be one obsolete simply because people have turned into cheapscapes, tight fisted, money grubbing hungry. If we can not depend on our nation and the pepople who run it, then who can we trust? What's next?
Bonnie nuit, et merci
I'll get back to more on the Titanic later, I want to talk about the history that surrounds us, that is disappearing due to the loss of labour and manufacturing to other countries because it's cheaper, and as everybody knows its always about the money. In my sleepless state I came across this shoe on the History channel called, Abandoned. I've only seen this one show but it sucked me in immediately.
These three guys are at this factory called Scranton Lace. From 1916 to 2002 the factory produced Nottingham Lace, named so for Nottongham, England where the looms and even the first workers had come from. The factory is as you could or should tell from the titles of the show,the building is now abandoned. It closed its doors in 2002 with only about fifty employees left from a once grand 1,400. It really makes you wonder what in the hell has happened to us. We as Americans have seem to gone all cheap on everything, only wanting more and more money.
This lace factory is AMAZING! They really knew how to treat their employees. They had an infirmary, a bowling alley, a gym, and even a beauty shop with a full time barber. They were even a major part of the war effort in the 1940's by producing masquito netting, camoflogue netting, and parachutes. Is that not fascinating? Well, to me it is.
However, the sad part is, because labour was cheaper overseas, the demand for producing lace in the U.S. dramatically reduced, sending long standing, hardworking companies such as Scranton Lace into closing their doors. Why is that? Do you know how many jobs it could still have if they were not closed and still producing American made products? All those people in that area would have jobs and since their were jobs the local economy would more than likely be a fairly stable one.
I can understand the need for money, I'm an unemployed vet so really I do get it, but going overseas because it's cheaper and the labour restrictions are not the same or as demanding as withing the states, is a ridiculous reason to go overseas to produce products. We have the means to produce products right here in our own back yards so to speak, but instead we send our work over to China, the Philippines, and Taiwan.
People are out of work in the U.S. teach them a trade, teach them how to work in a factory such as Scranton Lace so that they have a job, they have a steady means of income, and so that we as Americans can start depending on ourselves again. We keep throwing history away and building over it to make bigger and better things, but loosing a little piece of ourselves time and time again.History has a pattern of repeating itself, and if we do not learn from history and our past mistakes, then how in the hell are we going to survive? History dearves to be preserved, and taken care of.
I wish I was able to go off on adventures like these men were doing, just walling through an old abandoned factory just looking at the history that was all around. It's an amazing opportunity to do something like that, but it would be another amazing opportunity to reopen such a nostalgic place, and provide jobs for the community as well as a boost to our crumbling economy. It's my opinion that the less we look in our own backyard to help preserve who we have come to be as people and a nation, and the more we look to subsidize everything to foreign
Laces, we are just inviting something to come and bite us in the ass.
I know I said I would get to the Titanic story, and I will, just not tonight. I rambled on for too long. I hope you enjoyed or understood my ratings, I love history and I hate to see it disappear and be one obsolete simply because people have turned into cheapscapes, tight fisted, money grubbing hungry. If we can not depend on our nation and the pepople who run it, then who can we trust? What's next?
Bonnie nuit, et merci
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Dance
Once again, this is yet another post about my younger days, but it's fond memories with a little bit of current knowledge attached. So, please, read on.
When I was little, starting from the time I was five until I was fourteen, I was a dancer. I took tap, jazz, and ballet at a small dance studio in the small town where I'm from. I really did enjoy it. Getting to dance and get all dressed up with make-up and my hair done in a cute bun, I enjoyed it when I was little.
My secret ambition when I was growing up was to dance with the New York City ballet. As most people know, that dream did not come true. Not only that, but it is very difficult to even get to the level to be able to audition for such a prestigious company. I just didn't know that at the time, and I didn't even know how to achieve that dream.
There were many years where I wanted to dance en pointe, but my teacher kept saying I had to wait until I was twelve or thirteen. That's generally the age when girls can begin learning pointe. It has everything to do with the bones in the foot.
When I finally reached that age, she would not instruct me, she kept telling me one more year, then one more year. She had only taught pointe to three other girls, and it was apparently a nightmare trying to do so. But then again, it wasn't even a proper studio. most dance studios didn't have tile floors, they would either have a floor made of wood or one specifically for dancing. I had finally gotten my teacher to teach me pointe, but that didn't even last very long.
Pointe work is very difficult, but I loved it and I just wanted to be this beautiful ballerina, so graceful and elegant. I wasn't though, I was just a fat kid that was good at what she had been taught. I didn't want to give up on dancing on my toes, yes, it was hard and abusive on my feet, but it was everything that I had wanted from dance.
I stopped dancing when I got into high school. It was hard to work my dance schedule with my marching band schedule, and then try and work once I had a job. I did try and go back, but it was never the same. Besides, those girls that were in my group were younger than me, I had never moved up in age groups like I should have, but for a time my group was ok, although loud.
When I finally decided to try and dance again, I found a new place that was actually in a building beside where I worked. Going there was amazing. The teacher had actually studied and worked with some really prestigious companies. She had been with the Geoffrey Ballet, and had been a teaching liaison at the American Ballet Theatre, she had even studied with the Atlanta Ballet at their education center. I learned more from her, in one session than I ever had at my small rinkie-dink dance studio.
There is so much more out there now, for people who really want to peruse ballet and dance. I was perusing the shelves at the book store the other day, and I came across a Pointe magazine. I had a subscription to them years ago, but I haven't re-nued it in years. I think I still have their very first issue. I got it free since it was an up and coming magazine. It's thicker today than it was then, mainly because it's grown so much.
As I was looking through the pages, I noticed how many summer programs their are now. Some even go on a tour of the U.S. looking for students. Its great to see that there are all these programmes out there for those who really want a career in the ballet industry or just to improve more. Sometimes I wish, that I knew of these programmes when I was a kid, but I don't know if I would've been good enough to get in, considering how little education I actually had.
I still want to dance and I still want to be en pointe, as they say. Only thing is, I need a new pair of pointe shoes...Daisy decided one afternoon while I was asleep that my very nice hand made, Bloch pointe shoes were tasty. Therefore one shoe box is completely destroyed. My advice to anyone who wants to dance, whether it be pointe or any other form, go for it, and now, thanks to the Internet, there are numerous resources out there to be discovered.
When I was little, starting from the time I was five until I was fourteen, I was a dancer. I took tap, jazz, and ballet at a small dance studio in the small town where I'm from. I really did enjoy it. Getting to dance and get all dressed up with make-up and my hair done in a cute bun, I enjoyed it when I was little.
My secret ambition when I was growing up was to dance with the New York City ballet. As most people know, that dream did not come true. Not only that, but it is very difficult to even get to the level to be able to audition for such a prestigious company. I just didn't know that at the time, and I didn't even know how to achieve that dream.
There were many years where I wanted to dance en pointe, but my teacher kept saying I had to wait until I was twelve or thirteen. That's generally the age when girls can begin learning pointe. It has everything to do with the bones in the foot.
When I finally reached that age, she would not instruct me, she kept telling me one more year, then one more year. She had only taught pointe to three other girls, and it was apparently a nightmare trying to do so. But then again, it wasn't even a proper studio. most dance studios didn't have tile floors, they would either have a floor made of wood or one specifically for dancing. I had finally gotten my teacher to teach me pointe, but that didn't even last very long.
Pointe work is very difficult, but I loved it and I just wanted to be this beautiful ballerina, so graceful and elegant. I wasn't though, I was just a fat kid that was good at what she had been taught. I didn't want to give up on dancing on my toes, yes, it was hard and abusive on my feet, but it was everything that I had wanted from dance.
I stopped dancing when I got into high school. It was hard to work my dance schedule with my marching band schedule, and then try and work once I had a job. I did try and go back, but it was never the same. Besides, those girls that were in my group were younger than me, I had never moved up in age groups like I should have, but for a time my group was ok, although loud.
When I finally decided to try and dance again, I found a new place that was actually in a building beside where I worked. Going there was amazing. The teacher had actually studied and worked with some really prestigious companies. She had been with the Geoffrey Ballet, and had been a teaching liaison at the American Ballet Theatre, she had even studied with the Atlanta Ballet at their education center. I learned more from her, in one session than I ever had at my small rinkie-dink dance studio.
There is so much more out there now, for people who really want to peruse ballet and dance. I was perusing the shelves at the book store the other day, and I came across a Pointe magazine. I had a subscription to them years ago, but I haven't re-nued it in years. I think I still have their very first issue. I got it free since it was an up and coming magazine. It's thicker today than it was then, mainly because it's grown so much.
I still want to dance and I still want to be en pointe, as they say. Only thing is, I need a new pair of pointe shoes...Daisy decided one afternoon while I was asleep that my very nice hand made, Bloch pointe shoes were tasty. Therefore one shoe box is completely destroyed. My advice to anyone who wants to dance, whether it be pointe or any other form, go for it, and now, thanks to the Internet, there are numerous resources out there to be discovered.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Adventures in cooking
As most of my friends and family know, I love to cook. My Mom wonders where I got it from, because she does not enjoy cooking that often. When I was little, and from what I can remeber, my Mom did not really cook a great deal of different things. It was generally Spaghetti with meat sauce with garlic toast, pork-chops (which I despised), rice, butter beans, green beans, black beans, occasionaly I could talk her into spinach quiesh (the ex didn't like quiesh), lasganiagh from a box (it was good, and it was fast), creamed beef on toast, my favorite and still is today was cubed steak or chicken fried steak, howver you wan't to put it, mashed potatoes, and maccaronni and cheese, There might be more that I am forgetting, but even Mom will admit she can't remeber what happened yesterday let alone what she used to cook when I was little.
Although, she does remeber the good stuff from when I was a kid.
I love of cooking stated fairly early, it probably stemmed from watching my Nanny make us waffles and cookies, although I still smell collard greens when ever I see her, no matter if she's made them or not, its just one of those memory smells that has yet to leave. When I mas in middle school, I actually took home economics twice. I learned how to make an omelet, and my favorite...cinnamon rolls! I learned to sew too, but the best was the cooking.
Ever since I've been on my own, my experimentation in the world of culinary cuisine has grown. My ideas come from watching food network. The other day, I was watching an episode of the Barefoot Contessa, she was making a spinach and cheddar souffle. I had never made a souffle before, and I had actually been wanting to make one. Theirs a recipe for a chocolate souffle on the back of the ghirardelli baking chocolate wrapper.
Since the Barefoot Contessa made it look rather simple, I decided I would try and make the souffle. It turned out really well. Although I did mix up the part where it calls to put the egg YOLKS in the flour, butter mixture...I put the egg WHITES in there! It was funny to me, I seem to always do that, misread directions . I think it was a bit to eggy, and I probably should have used the aged cheddar like the Contessa recommended, but I'm trying to pinch penny's and I just bought the packaged cheese. It probably DOES make a difference in taste. To rectify me using whites, instead of yolks, after I had already mixed the whites in, I went ahead and just figured I'd add in the yokes too. Then when it really called to add the whites, I added more....I'm such a perfectionist when it comes to cooking.
The spinach was a little troublesome, mainly because it didn't thaw completely and I had to spray it with water to melt the remaining ice. Other than that it's not a big problem, just let the spinach thaw either in it's packaging or in a strainer. Then when it's completely done thawing, do your best to squeeze all the water out. If you need to you can always squeeze what you can with your hand then wrap it in a paper towel and squeeze it out more, since the towel will help to draw out more of the water.
Just on key thing to do, when you cook the souffle, you can't open the oven door. If you do that then it will cause it to fall, and that's not good. Just peek at it from the outside if you so desire.
One thing I would like to do in order to improve is get a new cook-book. I would like to get Julia Childes cook book the one with both volumes. She was great at French cuisine, and I'm anxious to try some of her recipes.
manger heureuse!
Although, she does remeber the good stuff from when I was a kid.
I love of cooking stated fairly early, it probably stemmed from watching my Nanny make us waffles and cookies, although I still smell collard greens when ever I see her, no matter if she's made them or not, its just one of those memory smells that has yet to leave. When I mas in middle school, I actually took home economics twice. I learned how to make an omelet, and my favorite...cinnamon rolls! I learned to sew too, but the best was the cooking.
Ever since I've been on my own, my experimentation in the world of culinary cuisine has grown. My ideas come from watching food network. The other day, I was watching an episode of the Barefoot Contessa, she was making a spinach and cheddar souffle. I had never made a souffle before, and I had actually been wanting to make one. Theirs a recipe for a chocolate souffle on the back of the ghirardelli baking chocolate wrapper.
Since the Barefoot Contessa made it look rather simple, I decided I would try and make the souffle. It turned out really well. Although I did mix up the part where it calls to put the egg YOLKS in the flour, butter mixture...I put the egg WHITES in there! It was funny to me, I seem to always do that, misread directions . I think it was a bit to eggy, and I probably should have used the aged cheddar like the Contessa recommended, but I'm trying to pinch penny's and I just bought the packaged cheese. It probably DOES make a difference in taste. To rectify me using whites, instead of yolks, after I had already mixed the whites in, I went ahead and just figured I'd add in the yokes too. Then when it really called to add the whites, I added more....I'm such a perfectionist when it comes to cooking.
The spinach was a little troublesome, mainly because it didn't thaw completely and I had to spray it with water to melt the remaining ice. Other than that it's not a big problem, just let the spinach thaw either in it's packaging or in a strainer. Then when it's completely done thawing, do your best to squeeze all the water out. If you need to you can always squeeze what you can with your hand then wrap it in a paper towel and squeeze it out more, since the towel will help to draw out more of the water.
Just on key thing to do, when you cook the souffle, you can't open the oven door. If you do that then it will cause it to fall, and that's not good. Just peek at it from the outside if you so desire.
One thing I would like to do in order to improve is get a new cook-book. I would like to get Julia Childes cook book the one with both volumes. She was great at French cuisine, and I'm anxious to try some of her recipes.
manger heureuse!
Friday, January 6, 2012
The question of why
As I was walking through the mall the other day, I began to wonder why we do some of the things we do. Why do we do our best to steer clear of someone who is older and walks slower than we do? I just wonder if anyone has ever stopped to think how they feel? Why do we need to steer clear of someone who is different than we are, its not as if we wont be there ourselves someday, I guess you could say it is the principle of the matter. At some point in time they were our age, young, healthy, and vibrant only time has stolen what remains of their health and youth from them on a daily basis. It's not to say, we need to feel sorry for them, because they are old and slower, but have a greater respect for them because they are older and have survived more in their time than what the much younger generation has.
Sometimes I wonder how they feel...and what goes on in their head, like what are they thinking about. How do they feel about us, the younger generation? What was their life like growing up?
The biggest question of why is, why is it that people feel the need to hurt the ones that they are supposed to love, why not treat them with the respect that have given you throughout the years? Respect is lacking these days all around, sometimes I think we as people and even as Americans have forgotten where we came from and how we got to where we are.
I often have dreams, where the people in my dreams hurt me deliberately. I try my hardest to turn around and hurt them right back, but I am unable. Why is that? Is it because my nature is that of one who does not wish to hurt anyone deliberately, or one who prefers to stay out of the spot light, so to speak? I am a person of a million questions, that will probably remain unanswered. It's my belief that a majority of the questions are rhetorical. It does not sit well with me when those that are close to me, are deliberately hurt by someone they love and respect. Insults hurled at them, and the past not being let got of...most of it tends to be a family trait...but still, it's not ok for them to be hurt simply because their past has not been let go of, or because the are misunderstood. All of them can be an excuse, although hurting someone is not an excuse.
I have felt, for many years, the "black-sheep" of my fathers family. When I was little I wondered why my Dad never saw me, or why I didn't hear from a majority of his family until I was of an age to understand, and reach out to them. My aunt says I never was a "black-sheep," but just because someone said it was not so does not make it so to me. People and even families, whether the know it or not, do deliberately ostracize people from society and groups. It an inexcusable action. Why, seriously, why do they need to be "kicked out" of a society group or a family when they have done nothing to deserve it? Is it because they have a "new family" so therefore the old can not be kept with the new? Or is it something much deeper?
My family, has always been (on both sides) very concealing and even cold with their emotions. I will exclude my mother and my aunts (her sisters) from this group. Mom has done the best she could with the tools that she was given as a child, and I have never felt unloved by my mother, father, yes, but never mom. Mom has given and given to me, and although we may not understand what each other is asking of wanting, somehow we have always found a way to understand each other.
My heart feels for the people that feel the cold brush of love from a family, simply from lack of clarity or other reasons that are un-named. I can't be harsh towards those that were harsh and cold to my loved one, they are still my family regardless, and I do not know why they did and said what they did. Its worse when there is one person there, that is believed to be the backup, but instead their the ones that cause the pain too. It's something that I've discussed before, and have still left wondering why. Why does the matriarch of my family, treat the ones that are not blood and even those that are, with such callous disregard? It is unfair, and confusing at the same time.
I will continue to ask the question of why, it is just who I am, and the way my brain works. My twin says I am one of the most caring people (persons?) she knows, I do my best to care about everyone else, I do firmly believe in do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If we treat everyone, no matter who the hell they are, black, white, purple, or green with blue polka-dots with a little bit more respect then maybe their will be a few lesser questions of why, I doubt it but I would hope that maybe someday we can truly understand the question of why.
C'est la vie, bonne nuit...
Sometimes I wonder how they feel...and what goes on in their head, like what are they thinking about. How do they feel about us, the younger generation? What was their life like growing up?
The biggest question of why is, why is it that people feel the need to hurt the ones that they are supposed to love, why not treat them with the respect that have given you throughout the years? Respect is lacking these days all around, sometimes I think we as people and even as Americans have forgotten where we came from and how we got to where we are.
I often have dreams, where the people in my dreams hurt me deliberately. I try my hardest to turn around and hurt them right back, but I am unable. Why is that? Is it because my nature is that of one who does not wish to hurt anyone deliberately, or one who prefers to stay out of the spot light, so to speak? I am a person of a million questions, that will probably remain unanswered. It's my belief that a majority of the questions are rhetorical. It does not sit well with me when those that are close to me, are deliberately hurt by someone they love and respect. Insults hurled at them, and the past not being let got of...most of it tends to be a family trait...but still, it's not ok for them to be hurt simply because their past has not been let go of, or because the are misunderstood. All of them can be an excuse, although hurting someone is not an excuse.
I have felt, for many years, the "black-sheep" of my fathers family. When I was little I wondered why my Dad never saw me, or why I didn't hear from a majority of his family until I was of an age to understand, and reach out to them. My aunt says I never was a "black-sheep," but just because someone said it was not so does not make it so to me. People and even families, whether the know it or not, do deliberately ostracize people from society and groups. It an inexcusable action. Why, seriously, why do they need to be "kicked out" of a society group or a family when they have done nothing to deserve it? Is it because they have a "new family" so therefore the old can not be kept with the new? Or is it something much deeper?
My family, has always been (on both sides) very concealing and even cold with their emotions. I will exclude my mother and my aunts (her sisters) from this group. Mom has done the best she could with the tools that she was given as a child, and I have never felt unloved by my mother, father, yes, but never mom. Mom has given and given to me, and although we may not understand what each other is asking of wanting, somehow we have always found a way to understand each other.
My heart feels for the people that feel the cold brush of love from a family, simply from lack of clarity or other reasons that are un-named. I can't be harsh towards those that were harsh and cold to my loved one, they are still my family regardless, and I do not know why they did and said what they did. Its worse when there is one person there, that is believed to be the backup, but instead their the ones that cause the pain too. It's something that I've discussed before, and have still left wondering why. Why does the matriarch of my family, treat the ones that are not blood and even those that are, with such callous disregard? It is unfair, and confusing at the same time.
I will continue to ask the question of why, it is just who I am, and the way my brain works. My twin says I am one of the most caring people (persons?) she knows, I do my best to care about everyone else, I do firmly believe in do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If we treat everyone, no matter who the hell they are, black, white, purple, or green with blue polka-dots with a little bit more respect then maybe their will be a few lesser questions of why, I doubt it but I would hope that maybe someday we can truly understand the question of why.
C'est la vie, bonne nuit...
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Tomato soup bowl
As I was cooking my dinner tonight...wait, let me re-phrase that, as I was heating up my soup I was reminded about something from when I was a kid. The reason I was heating dinner rather than cooking per-se is because groceries have been costing me more money, so now that its getting colder outside, I'm resorting to buying soup, since it's cheaper and just a bit faster than preparing an actual meal for just me.
When I was growing up, my Mom had gotten these set of bowls as a gift. For what I'm not sure, there were four of them and each was different. One was onion, another was potato, another was mushroom, and the last one was tomato. They were really cute, they had recipes on the front for each different one, and they each had a handle like a cup on them.
For some strange reason, I would not eat out of any bowl but the tomato soup bowl. I didn't like tomato soup, really didn't even like tomato's at that point (still don't). It never failed that each time Mom served something that required a bowl (other than cereal and ice cream) I could be found eating out of that bowl.
What reminds me about that bowl, and I'm sure Mom has a picture of me eating out of that bowl too, was I was fixing myself vegetable soup for dinner. That's one of the soups that I always eat that and chicken-noodle. It's just one of those things as a kid that you tend to cling to, almost like a security blanket, except mine was a tomato soup bowl.
Kinda funny when you think about it!
When I was growing up, my Mom had gotten these set of bowls as a gift. For what I'm not sure, there were four of them and each was different. One was onion, another was potato, another was mushroom, and the last one was tomato. They were really cute, they had recipes on the front for each different one, and they each had a handle like a cup on them.
For some strange reason, I would not eat out of any bowl but the tomato soup bowl. I didn't like tomato soup, really didn't even like tomato's at that point (still don't). It never failed that each time Mom served something that required a bowl (other than cereal and ice cream) I could be found eating out of that bowl.
What reminds me about that bowl, and I'm sure Mom has a picture of me eating out of that bowl too, was I was fixing myself vegetable soup for dinner. That's one of the soups that I always eat that and chicken-noodle. It's just one of those things as a kid that you tend to cling to, almost like a security blanket, except mine was a tomato soup bowl.
Kinda funny when you think about it!
Monday, November 7, 2011
Wants vs. Needs and a little rant about computers
For most of my life, I do believe my Mom has always talked about wants vs. needs and vice versa. I believe she tought me that it's not always about the wants but more about the needs.
I've been thinking a lot lately of a lot of wants. I keep thinking I want this and I want that, but how do I get that want? Then I have to stop, smack myself in the head and tell myself to shut the hell up, because I don't have anything to spare to splurge on a frivoulous want. Now I have to think about, what do I really need? Is is a necsessatiy? Is it something that can wiat? The one thing that tends to go back and forth on the needs and wants list is books, I love to read and I haven't read in a while. For the moment I'm waiting for the last of the Inheratince cycle to come out. For those of you that don't know, it's the last of the Erragon books.
There's so much that I want to do but can't at the moment, but human nature just makes me repetidly think about it. One such thing is an iPad and an iMac. I DO need a desktop, the desktop I have currently is OLD and OUTDATED, it's currently running Windows XP service pack 2. I even have my first laptop that has Windowns XP but it's service pack 1. The reason I believe I need a computer other than my laptop is the fact that my laptop recently went all wonky on me, and I can't update iTunes, or uninstall it, and the program that I was told to download and PAY FOR to fix the problem, couldn't fix it, and created an issue with my speakers. If I plug my headphones in, I can't here anything, the light on my laptop says the volume is on mute, but it's not I canm turn it onm and off but the ligfht never does.
My point to that rant is, I need to get my computer fixed, but I don't have anything other than another older than my current laptop, to use, but it doesn't have Microsoft Office on it. I made the mistake of trying to uprgrade that computer to Windows 7 when it came out from Windows Vista. BIG PROBLEM, BIG BLUNDER. My computer didn't really like it so it hasn't worked the same since. Ever since I got my newer laptop a year ago, I've been trying to figure out how to get rid of my older computers. I've been doing my best ot purge all information so that it's just bare bones of an operating system.
Wow, that was quite the Bunny trail I went down, sheesh let me get to the point. I need to fix my laptop but everything is on this one that I need for class, including the software for my Eaglevision classes. That's why I THINK I need a new computer. I want an iPad because they are so FREAKIN NEAT! Mom, has one and I was continuously commondering it when she was here two weeks ago.
SO to really break it down,, I'm putting myslef out there with my list of wants and needs, I'm hoping to find a way to acomplish this list all my own. I think it's important (at least to me) to be able to accomplish things on my own and by myeslf, makes me feel like I earned it more.
Wants
To me we are a wanting society. It's always about the want and less about the need, We need to help the holmess, but we don't want to take the time and do it. We need jobs in America but we want to go somewhere else that has cheap labor, so that anything that is wanted can be bought because the owner operator of the cheap labor is turning a high profit. Yet again, we need jobs, but the people of Congress and the politicians do not want to work together to figure this out. Word to the fat cat's on the Hill....Pull your well paid asses out of your rear ends, and help us find a solution!
Well that's my rant for the night, I'm going to wash my face and try and sleep, good night all!
I've been thinking a lot lately of a lot of wants. I keep thinking I want this and I want that, but how do I get that want? Then I have to stop, smack myself in the head and tell myself to shut the hell up, because I don't have anything to spare to splurge on a frivoulous want. Now I have to think about, what do I really need? Is is a necsessatiy? Is it something that can wiat? The one thing that tends to go back and forth on the needs and wants list is books, I love to read and I haven't read in a while. For the moment I'm waiting for the last of the Inheratince cycle to come out. For those of you that don't know, it's the last of the Erragon books.
There's so much that I want to do but can't at the moment, but human nature just makes me repetidly think about it. One such thing is an iPad and an iMac. I DO need a desktop, the desktop I have currently is OLD and OUTDATED, it's currently running Windows XP service pack 2. I even have my first laptop that has Windowns XP but it's service pack 1. The reason I believe I need a computer other than my laptop is the fact that my laptop recently went all wonky on me, and I can't update iTunes, or uninstall it, and the program that I was told to download and PAY FOR to fix the problem, couldn't fix it, and created an issue with my speakers. If I plug my headphones in, I can't here anything, the light on my laptop says the volume is on mute, but it's not I canm turn it onm and off but the ligfht never does.
My point to that rant is, I need to get my computer fixed, but I don't have anything other than another older than my current laptop, to use, but it doesn't have Microsoft Office on it. I made the mistake of trying to uprgrade that computer to Windows 7 when it came out from Windows Vista. BIG PROBLEM, BIG BLUNDER. My computer didn't really like it so it hasn't worked the same since. Ever since I got my newer laptop a year ago, I've been trying to figure out how to get rid of my older computers. I've been doing my best ot purge all information so that it's just bare bones of an operating system.
Wow, that was quite the Bunny trail I went down, sheesh let me get to the point. I need to fix my laptop but everything is on this one that I need for class, including the software for my Eaglevision classes. That's why I THINK I need a new computer. I want an iPad because they are so FREAKIN NEAT! Mom, has one and I was continuously commondering it when she was here two weeks ago.
SO to really break it down,, I'm putting myslef out there with my list of wants and needs, I'm hoping to find a way to acomplish this list all my own. I think it's important (at least to me) to be able to accomplish things on my own and by myeslf, makes me feel like I earned it more.
Wants
- iPad
- new douvet and sheets for my bed room with bedskirt
- new house
- Christian Loubuittin sparkely heels
- L.K. Bennett nude heels
- To take a cruise with some friends
- Go to Europe with Mom
- Get all my artwork in the house framed
- Get more decoration for the house
- Chirstmas tree
- Comcast internet and TV
- JOB
- More winter clothes than what I have
- Money
To me we are a wanting society. It's always about the want and less about the need, We need to help the holmess, but we don't want to take the time and do it. We need jobs in America but we want to go somewhere else that has cheap labor, so that anything that is wanted can be bought because the owner operator of the cheap labor is turning a high profit. Yet again, we need jobs, but the people of Congress and the politicians do not want to work together to figure this out. Word to the fat cat's on the Hill....Pull your well paid asses out of your rear ends, and help us find a solution!
Well that's my rant for the night, I'm going to wash my face and try and sleep, good night all!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Traveling bug...
I know, WOW...TWO in one day! That's saying something for sure! It's just something I've been thinking about and I just wanted to share my thoughts again. It's been three years since I've been anywhere outside the continental US, and I'm longing to get out for a vacation. My biggest desire is to go back to Europe and visit Paris and London again, maybe even see Italy again.
When I was eighteen I went on a cruise with my Nanny and my three year old cousin. It was on one of the newer cruising companies, but one that is very much up my alley. I went on a Disney cruise. It was a lot of fun for me, I was still a bit scared at that point to go out on my own and try some new things but at this point I'm less gun shy and more gung-ho!
They have a new ship that is making it's maiden voyage in March called the Disney Fantasy, and I WANT TO GO! Maybe not necessarily on the maiden voyage, but on that ship YES! I was just looking at photos and videos of the ship today, and boy howdy is it neat. They have this really neat water slide that goes over the side of the ship that they uniquely call an AquaDuck. No, not an Aqueduct an AquaDuck, in honour of Donald Duck. Who happens to be my favorite duck.
They (the imagineers at Disney) build their ships around the attractions, which is very different from most cruising companies. The neatest thing is that not only do they have families and kids in mind but they also do a lot for the adults. They have adult only areas two adult only restaurants, as well as a health club and spa. Almost every night theirs a Broadway show that is performed and theirs always a movie playing in a stadium seat theatre, as well as a promenade deck to run around if you feel like it. The new ship is very different in size from the first two ships. The Disney Fantasy and the Disney Dream are much bigger and have more to offer.
This picture shows the differnce between the two newest ships and the older ships that are in the foreground. Somehow some way I have got to find myself cruising on the water again.
When I was eighteen I went on a cruise with my Nanny and my three year old cousin. It was on one of the newer cruising companies, but one that is very much up my alley. I went on a Disney cruise. It was a lot of fun for me, I was still a bit scared at that point to go out on my own and try some new things but at this point I'm less gun shy and more gung-ho!
They have a new ship that is making it's maiden voyage in March called the Disney Fantasy, and I WANT TO GO! Maybe not necessarily on the maiden voyage, but on that ship YES! I was just looking at photos and videos of the ship today, and boy howdy is it neat. They have this really neat water slide that goes over the side of the ship that they uniquely call an AquaDuck. No, not an Aqueduct an AquaDuck, in honour of Donald Duck. Who happens to be my favorite duck.
They (the imagineers at Disney) build their ships around the attractions, which is very different from most cruising companies. The neatest thing is that not only do they have families and kids in mind but they also do a lot for the adults. They have adult only areas two adult only restaurants, as well as a health club and spa. Almost every night theirs a Broadway show that is performed and theirs always a movie playing in a stadium seat theatre, as well as a promenade deck to run around if you feel like it. The new ship is very different in size from the first two ships. The Disney Fantasy and the Disney Dream are much bigger and have more to offer.
M*A*S*H
Most people older than I, will know what my title means, some that are younger or my age may know too, but since this was a sitcom slash dramedy in the 1980's. It's probably a show you wouldn't think someone my age would like or own. But then again, I'm very different from a lot of people my age.
I could easily say its one of my favorite old shows. I have the first four seasons on DVD. You can watch them as re-runs on TV LAND and other networks, its just such a different show from what you see today. I love it and enjoy watching it over and over again.
MASH is set during the Korean war. The best part about the show is the humor. It's humor that doesn't have to be profane or inappropriate. The humor is poking fun at the situations with a lot of sarcasm pointed at a lot of historical figures and events that take place during the war. There have been some people who look at me like I'm crazy when they find out I actually have it on DVD.
My opinion is, don't knock it 'till you try it. It's just a show that has humor that you don't find in today's world of TV. There have been times when I'm rolling due to something that "Pierce" has done to "Frank Burns" or a combination of "Frank" and "Margaret." I've been watching it again the past couple of nights since I've been sick and yet again can't sleep. To me it's a show that doesn't get old. If you have the time and want to try something new sit down and watch an episode or two. Never know, you might just like it.
I could easily say its one of my favorite old shows. I have the first four seasons on DVD. You can watch them as re-runs on TV LAND and other networks, its just such a different show from what you see today. I love it and enjoy watching it over and over again.
MASH is set during the Korean war. The best part about the show is the humor. It's humor that doesn't have to be profane or inappropriate. The humor is poking fun at the situations with a lot of sarcasm pointed at a lot of historical figures and events that take place during the war. There have been some people who look at me like I'm crazy when they find out I actually have it on DVD.
My opinion is, don't knock it 'till you try it. It's just a show that has humor that you don't find in today's world of TV. There have been times when I'm rolling due to something that "Pierce" has done to "Frank Burns" or a combination of "Frank" and "Margaret." I've been watching it again the past couple of nights since I've been sick and yet again can't sleep. To me it's a show that doesn't get old. If you have the time and want to try something new sit down and watch an episode or two. Never know, you might just like it.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Thoughts all over the place
I know it has been a while since I have taken the time to write down my thoughts here for everyone to read. The semester previous to my current semester was a doozy. I had four classes that lasted for at least four hours or more each day but Friday. That was the most classes I had since I started at Gainesville College in 2002. Yes, it has been that long.
Currently I am unemployed. My plan A has not worked well since I can not go into the reserves with an open disability claim, and my claim still is not finished. At first being able to sit back and not have to worry so much about getting up or being late was nice, then the more I thought about, and the more that time passed the more I began to realize and fret more about not having more than just my BAH to help support me.
It's tough, very unpleasant, and I'm not even collecting unemployment. It's also getting to my favorite shopping season, and I have no money to shop either for myself or for my friends and family. My Mom was kind enough to let me buy some things on our credit card the other day, I really need winter clothes, I don't have that substantial of a wardrobe these days.
I went to the Georgia vs. Florida game on Saturday, and once again I was reminded of how much I want to go to the University. When we won and the players were running to the band and celebrating with the students, I just thought to myself that "I want to be a part of that." It's always been my desire to go to UGA ever since I was six and I went to my first football game. I'm almost done at Embry-Riddle, and I don't know what is next after I finish this summer.
Mom will possibly be shocked by my admission of the fact that, the thought of returning home has been running through my brain the last couple of days. Maybe it would be easier to return to Georgia after all, not that I don't love living in Jax, it's just if I want to go to UGA then somethings going to have to give. I don't know if it's a smart thing to do after all my hometown is not the brightest crayon in the box. But, I would be closer to family and my sister. Apparently our father has been driving her up the wall lately. Gee, why does that not surprise me?
Another thing is one again I'm just feeling a bit frustrated and sorry for myself. Not only because I've yet to successfully procure a job, but I still have no significant other. It's still just me and the dog, and everyone is always saying "oh you'll find someone" or "just be patient," frankly I'm just tired. I still believe that it's just going to be me and the dog for here on out. Sometimes when you're the kind of person that wants to share so much but has no one to share with, it just sucks. It would be nice to have someone to share my burden with right now, going it alone has taken a lot out of me.
I have so many thoughts and also fears, but that's just the way things go. I guess you could say or ask when is my luck going to change for the better?
Currently I am unemployed. My plan A has not worked well since I can not go into the reserves with an open disability claim, and my claim still is not finished. At first being able to sit back and not have to worry so much about getting up or being late was nice, then the more I thought about, and the more that time passed the more I began to realize and fret more about not having more than just my BAH to help support me.
It's tough, very unpleasant, and I'm not even collecting unemployment. It's also getting to my favorite shopping season, and I have no money to shop either for myself or for my friends and family. My Mom was kind enough to let me buy some things on our credit card the other day, I really need winter clothes, I don't have that substantial of a wardrobe these days.
I went to the Georgia vs. Florida game on Saturday, and once again I was reminded of how much I want to go to the University. When we won and the players were running to the band and celebrating with the students, I just thought to myself that "I want to be a part of that." It's always been my desire to go to UGA ever since I was six and I went to my first football game. I'm almost done at Embry-Riddle, and I don't know what is next after I finish this summer.
Mom will possibly be shocked by my admission of the fact that, the thought of returning home has been running through my brain the last couple of days. Maybe it would be easier to return to Georgia after all, not that I don't love living in Jax, it's just if I want to go to UGA then somethings going to have to give. I don't know if it's a smart thing to do after all my hometown is not the brightest crayon in the box. But, I would be closer to family and my sister. Apparently our father has been driving her up the wall lately. Gee, why does that not surprise me?
Another thing is one again I'm just feeling a bit frustrated and sorry for myself. Not only because I've yet to successfully procure a job, but I still have no significant other. It's still just me and the dog, and everyone is always saying "oh you'll find someone" or "just be patient," frankly I'm just tired. I still believe that it's just going to be me and the dog for here on out. Sometimes when you're the kind of person that wants to share so much but has no one to share with, it just sucks. It would be nice to have someone to share my burden with right now, going it alone has taken a lot out of me.
I have so many thoughts and also fears, but that's just the way things go. I guess you could say or ask when is my luck going to change for the better?
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Feelings of failure
I hate failing. Especially when I try.
It gets to me when I fail, I don't like being a failure or the feeling or failing a test. I know I lack self confidence and maybe something else too. But I try hard and when I've taken my time looked up the answers and thought that I understood what the question asked and still I get it wrong. That's the lowest feeling on earth for me, besides rejection. I always failed when I was in school and I would always get grounded until I pulled my grades up. That and I would have to listen to Moms disappointment and embarrassment that she has a child that was failing English, the subject she taught.
Meteorology is not my cup of tea. I'm trying hard to understand the curriculum and what is being taught, and I really thought that I had gotten this section of the book about clouds and frost, but I didn't. I hate myself right now. I know it's not the end of the world, but to me it is. I try hard to get good grades, and I do the exact opposite of what I did when I was a kid. I actually turn off the TV so I wont have that as a distraction. the only noise that's going is the dryer, and the a/c blowing.
I'm not sure what I can do besides study more. I'm really trying to get focused in my classes right now. I'm very overwhelmed at the moment, and it just doesn't seem like the sun is going to come out any minute. I'm also trying to find a job and do my best to not spend as much money as I did before I got out. On one hand I save more because I'm not driving back and forth to Mayport all week, and therefore having to buy gas at least once a week. That's a savings of at least 50 dollars a week, but groceries...I do my best to spend 50 my budget was 75 but my goal is to always spend less to save more. The down side is 50 dollars doesn't buy much these days. My question is when is going to change for me? When are my efforts in school really going to pay off, and when am I going to feel like I don't fail every weekly test that is given in meteorology. I'm a deans list student now, and failure is just not an option for me. That's probably the one good thing the military teaches you is the fact that failure is not an option, you have to do your best every time to succeed, that's the only way that you can succeed is by trying your damnedest, and that's what I'm doing. It just....sucks...no matter what, it just sucks.
I hate the feeling of failure
It gets to me when I fail, I don't like being a failure or the feeling or failing a test. I know I lack self confidence and maybe something else too. But I try hard and when I've taken my time looked up the answers and thought that I understood what the question asked and still I get it wrong. That's the lowest feeling on earth for me, besides rejection. I always failed when I was in school and I would always get grounded until I pulled my grades up. That and I would have to listen to Moms disappointment and embarrassment that she has a child that was failing English, the subject she taught.
Meteorology is not my cup of tea. I'm trying hard to understand the curriculum and what is being taught, and I really thought that I had gotten this section of the book about clouds and frost, but I didn't. I hate myself right now. I know it's not the end of the world, but to me it is. I try hard to get good grades, and I do the exact opposite of what I did when I was a kid. I actually turn off the TV so I wont have that as a distraction. the only noise that's going is the dryer, and the a/c blowing.
I'm not sure what I can do besides study more. I'm really trying to get focused in my classes right now. I'm very overwhelmed at the moment, and it just doesn't seem like the sun is going to come out any minute. I'm also trying to find a job and do my best to not spend as much money as I did before I got out. On one hand I save more because I'm not driving back and forth to Mayport all week, and therefore having to buy gas at least once a week. That's a savings of at least 50 dollars a week, but groceries...I do my best to spend 50 my budget was 75 but my goal is to always spend less to save more. The down side is 50 dollars doesn't buy much these days. My question is when is going to change for me? When are my efforts in school really going to pay off, and when am I going to feel like I don't fail every weekly test that is given in meteorology. I'm a deans list student now, and failure is just not an option for me. That's probably the one good thing the military teaches you is the fact that failure is not an option, you have to do your best every time to succeed, that's the only way that you can succeed is by trying your damnedest, and that's what I'm doing. It just....sucks...no matter what, it just sucks.
I hate the feeling of failure
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Fear again
I know I have talked about fear before, and the fact that it is the one thing that wants to shove your head under water and keep in there, while you do all you can to push up and grasp a tiny breath. In my life, i have a lot of fear. Why? I'm not entirely sure, in my honest opinion, i have beliefs but that may or may not be why.
What brings this topic up again is Zelda. Zelda has just recently been divorced from her husband of two years. Of those two years that they were married, I would say only about nine months to a year were actually spend co-habitating. They had been living together before they were married when they were both stationed in Virginia, but when the got married she was stationed here in Jax, and he was still up in VA. It is sad to say the it was doomed from the beginning.
Zelda has (in my opinion) had a difficult time coming to terms with the fact that her marriage had ended or was ending. The whole time they were separated she kept wearing her ring, and she was already seeing someone else. Most people would have said that they were already divorced or separated and may or may not have worn there ring, such as she did. She has always felt throughout everything that she was still married. But that is her attitude towards her situation.
Although she has moved on and found a wonderful man who adores her and has waited for her, and would go to the ends of the earth for her, she is a little afraid. I don't blame her, I mean I would be too. As much as they both want a life together, they have spent the past six months apart. Zelda is back in Texas, and Ducky (sa copine) is in Virginia. She has gotten into a routine down there and she's afraid that everything that she felt for him might not still be there.
We had a nice long talk about that. It is a little scary when you are away from your significant other for such a long period of time, and after a while you have a routine without them, so when you think about including them in your routine again, it's a bit scary. You don't know what will happen when they are included into the routine again, but unless you let go of the tree and walk out on that limb, you'll never know what could have been. Don't let fear win! The moment it has won, it will do all it can to keep you from ever coming back up again.
I told Zelda that she should trust her feelings and not the fear. She would like to get married and have kids as much as Ducky does, but she's afraid. Mainly because of the ex-hubby. I told her to not only trust what he has said to her, look at his actions. Ducky does his best to include her into the major decisions of his life. He's currently looking for orders, and asked her where he thinks "they" should go. He want to go over seas, but she said she can't follow him overseas because they are not married yet, and she keeps putting it off.
Zelda has admitted that she's afraid, but then again I told her to think of his (Ducky's) parents, they talk to you and adore you and already consider you family. Did the ex-hubby family do that? Mmm, his brother and maybe a few others, but not his Mom. That woman, did not like Zelda at all. And when she asked his mom for help during their difficult time, she ignored her and blew her off, believing that her son would never put his hands on a woman.
Zelda thanked me for being "enlightening" I hoe she was sincere, I believer her to be but I'm unsure of most everything. Sometimes, it takes an outsider to talk to you and with you, so you can get a better perspective on how things could be. Sometimes that person winds up being one of your best friends that does what they can for you, and even if you yell at them, they are still there to back you up.
I'm not sure what Zelda will do. It breaks my heart to think she doubts what she feels. I told her that they are the perfect match for each other because they do their best to communicate and include each other in their daily lives. We both agreed that never happened with the ex. It was always what he wanted to do, and not what they wanted to do. Relationships have to be a give and take. One person can't give all and the other person can't take all. Some relationships do that, but then where do they end up?
I'm hoping that by talking to her and being their to listen as well as dish out my opinion as we have always done, that I have helped her in some way. The man she is in love with is a great big 'ol teddy bear, he was raised by some great parents, and raised by a military father, which in my opinion again, has helped shape him into the kind and generous man that he is. I consider Ducky my brother. He became part of my extended family when Zelda brought him to movie night one night, because he was the new guy in the shop. I consider him as on of the girls, and a great friend to have. I look forward to the day that he and Zelda finally get married. Once that happens, and the ducklings start to come, they will truly be the most deliriously happy people I know.
What brings this topic up again is Zelda. Zelda has just recently been divorced from her husband of two years. Of those two years that they were married, I would say only about nine months to a year were actually spend co-habitating. They had been living together before they were married when they were both stationed in Virginia, but when the got married she was stationed here in Jax, and he was still up in VA. It is sad to say the it was doomed from the beginning.
Zelda has (in my opinion) had a difficult time coming to terms with the fact that her marriage had ended or was ending. The whole time they were separated she kept wearing her ring, and she was already seeing someone else. Most people would have said that they were already divorced or separated and may or may not have worn there ring, such as she did. She has always felt throughout everything that she was still married. But that is her attitude towards her situation.
Although she has moved on and found a wonderful man who adores her and has waited for her, and would go to the ends of the earth for her, she is a little afraid. I don't blame her, I mean I would be too. As much as they both want a life together, they have spent the past six months apart. Zelda is back in Texas, and Ducky (sa copine) is in Virginia. She has gotten into a routine down there and she's afraid that everything that she felt for him might not still be there.
We had a nice long talk about that. It is a little scary when you are away from your significant other for such a long period of time, and after a while you have a routine without them, so when you think about including them in your routine again, it's a bit scary. You don't know what will happen when they are included into the routine again, but unless you let go of the tree and walk out on that limb, you'll never know what could have been. Don't let fear win! The moment it has won, it will do all it can to keep you from ever coming back up again.
I told Zelda that she should trust her feelings and not the fear. She would like to get married and have kids as much as Ducky does, but she's afraid. Mainly because of the ex-hubby. I told her to not only trust what he has said to her, look at his actions. Ducky does his best to include her into the major decisions of his life. He's currently looking for orders, and asked her where he thinks "they" should go. He want to go over seas, but she said she can't follow him overseas because they are not married yet, and she keeps putting it off.
Zelda has admitted that she's afraid, but then again I told her to think of his (Ducky's) parents, they talk to you and adore you and already consider you family. Did the ex-hubby family do that? Mmm, his brother and maybe a few others, but not his Mom. That woman, did not like Zelda at all. And when she asked his mom for help during their difficult time, she ignored her and blew her off, believing that her son would never put his hands on a woman.
Zelda thanked me for being "enlightening" I hoe she was sincere, I believer her to be but I'm unsure of most everything. Sometimes, it takes an outsider to talk to you and with you, so you can get a better perspective on how things could be. Sometimes that person winds up being one of your best friends that does what they can for you, and even if you yell at them, they are still there to back you up.
I'm not sure what Zelda will do. It breaks my heart to think she doubts what she feels. I told her that they are the perfect match for each other because they do their best to communicate and include each other in their daily lives. We both agreed that never happened with the ex. It was always what he wanted to do, and not what they wanted to do. Relationships have to be a give and take. One person can't give all and the other person can't take all. Some relationships do that, but then where do they end up?
I'm hoping that by talking to her and being their to listen as well as dish out my opinion as we have always done, that I have helped her in some way. The man she is in love with is a great big 'ol teddy bear, he was raised by some great parents, and raised by a military father, which in my opinion again, has helped shape him into the kind and generous man that he is. I consider Ducky my brother. He became part of my extended family when Zelda brought him to movie night one night, because he was the new guy in the shop. I consider him as on of the girls, and a great friend to have. I look forward to the day that he and Zelda finally get married. Once that happens, and the ducklings start to come, they will truly be the most deliriously happy people I know.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Chemistry
When I say Chemistry I'm not talking about the science of chemistry I'm talking about the chemistry that may or may not exist between two people.
I was talking with one of my friends today and they were talking about the chemistry that they had just discovered between them and someone she new, but barley. Has anyone else ever found that they have an amazing chemistry with someone, and that the moment that person walks in the room, anyone and everyone that is in the room can just fell the tension between the two of you?
When she began talking about her newly found chemistry, I thought about Mighty Mouse and the chemistry that we had together. It was something that I had never had up until that point. Also, I had never thought that in a million years I would meet someone so incredible and funny on a boat floating around in the middle of the Gulf. Chemistry between two people is something that is unexpected but a major WOW factor. It can have a good and also a bod effect on you. The effect will on you will not be known until it's happened.
It's gotten to the point where I do my best NOT to think about him. I'm doing my best to move past that point in my life, and just keep on chugging forth. I met him during my first Mediterranean slash Gulf deployment. I had been working in the HAZMAT supply office and it was my job one day to "tag" the line to make sure no one else came and got in line, so we could all go eat lunch.
It just so happens that it was the very day he was the last one in line. We wound up hitting it off right away, talking and laughing, just having a great time. That's when the sparks of chemistry started to fly. I guess you could say that we were one of those people that instantly find chemistry together. We were lucky to have found each other.
The chemistry that we had together was amazing, and I loved every minute of it. If I could go back and change it, I wouldn't. It was an amazing ride.
What happened to the chemistry and what happened between us? Well, that is another story for another day, you'll just have to check back to see what else their is.
I was talking with one of my friends today and they were talking about the chemistry that they had just discovered between them and someone she new, but barley. Has anyone else ever found that they have an amazing chemistry with someone, and that the moment that person walks in the room, anyone and everyone that is in the room can just fell the tension between the two of you?
When she began talking about her newly found chemistry, I thought about Mighty Mouse and the chemistry that we had together. It was something that I had never had up until that point. Also, I had never thought that in a million years I would meet someone so incredible and funny on a boat floating around in the middle of the Gulf. Chemistry between two people is something that is unexpected but a major WOW factor. It can have a good and also a bod effect on you. The effect will on you will not be known until it's happened.
It's gotten to the point where I do my best NOT to think about him. I'm doing my best to move past that point in my life, and just keep on chugging forth. I met him during my first Mediterranean slash Gulf deployment. I had been working in the HAZMAT supply office and it was my job one day to "tag" the line to make sure no one else came and got in line, so we could all go eat lunch.
It just so happens that it was the very day he was the last one in line. We wound up hitting it off right away, talking and laughing, just having a great time. That's when the sparks of chemistry started to fly. I guess you could say that we were one of those people that instantly find chemistry together. We were lucky to have found each other.
The chemistry that we had together was amazing, and I loved every minute of it. If I could go back and change it, I wouldn't. It was an amazing ride.
What happened to the chemistry and what happened between us? Well, that is another story for another day, you'll just have to check back to see what else their is.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
In a haze and funk
It has been a rough few weeks, and days. Sometimes, it seems as if the dreariness that I fell will never end and go away. Things have not been going that great for me since my stint on active duty has ended. My mood has been really somber, and very much teetering on the edge of endless tears. The frustration and the emptiness of my current predicament weighs heavy on my mind as well as shoulders.
It is not easy for someone like me that comes off active duty to come to terms with the fact that, after years of a constant motion of duty, I have to start all over again, and that means starting off at the bottom. When I entered the military eight years ago I had worked my way up from earning minimum wake of 5.50 an hour to 7.75.
Now a days the minimum wage IS what I was making then. It is hard trying to come to terms with it, as well as the pressure that comes with the searching of jobs. When you are on your way out of the military they really do not prepare you enough (in my opinion) for the obstacles that you will face, once you are on the outside. Although, I'm not sure what they could do differently to better prepare us for the outside.
It is never a fun time when the darkness begins to envelop me and threaten to take me down. A lot of times, it will take me a few days to slowly come out of it a begin to feel better. Mostly it's thanks in part to my friends and my dog that help bring me out of the haze. Mostly I make my self suffer because it is just me here. I'm not as lucky as some people that have someone to go home to.
Now that I don't have a constant day-to-day interaction with co-workers, I have a lacking of social comfort. School does not count because I only talk to them once a week. My friends have busy lives, especially Minnie. Sometimes I don't know how that girl does what she does...but somehow, she does it with grace and a warm smile. It does get very lonely not having someone to go on new adventures with. Evil twin and Zelda are in Corpus Christi, Ducky is in Virginia along with Chiana, Alex is a new mom, and doesn't share the same spirit as I do. They all have separate lives and I miss them all. These individual people became my family over the years.
Thanks to them all, I don't know where I would be without them!
It's hard to push away the darkness, especially when you are someone like me that internalizes everything. As much as I do need help, I want to be able to make it on my own. When I was growing up, I never wanted to ask for help for fear of being though of stupid. It takes a lot still for me to ask for help, mainly because as previously stated, I want to do it on my own. The thing that I have to realize is, I do need help, and there are people or a person to help...Mom. She may not be fully aware of how I feel but she does try to help me.
To those who have someone to go home to every night, that has someone to hug them at the end of the day, and tell them that everything is going to be ok. Please, be thankful, no matter what that you do have that someone there to support you. Me, I just have Daisy to go home to, and sleep with, and sometimes that just isn't enough. Everyone tells me that I'll eventually find someone, but I don't feel it.
Finding a way out of the haze is an every day battle, no matter who you are. I do my best to be an up-beat and happy person, but when the world feels like it's going to crash down around me, that's the moment that I feel despair and sink to the inside. I am my own worse enemy, I am harder on myself than other people are, and I berate myself for than anyone could imagine. To me if I do something wrong, or mess up on something it's ten times worse. No one could possibly do worse than myself.
It is never a fun spot to be in, the haze. If anyone out there goes through it if they ever need someone to talk to my inbox is always open. The dark and haze is not the place to be, I have to make myself get out more even though I'm almost afraid to.The moral of my story tonight is, it is never easy starting over. Thar's all for tonight, my darling Dizzy (Daisy) is ready to go up-stairs and go to bed, and my hip is bothering my again, so the pain is making me bid you adieu until tomorrow.
It is not easy for someone like me that comes off active duty to come to terms with the fact that, after years of a constant motion of duty, I have to start all over again, and that means starting off at the bottom. When I entered the military eight years ago I had worked my way up from earning minimum wake of 5.50 an hour to 7.75.
Now a days the minimum wage IS what I was making then. It is hard trying to come to terms with it, as well as the pressure that comes with the searching of jobs. When you are on your way out of the military they really do not prepare you enough (in my opinion) for the obstacles that you will face, once you are on the outside. Although, I'm not sure what they could do differently to better prepare us for the outside.
It is never a fun time when the darkness begins to envelop me and threaten to take me down. A lot of times, it will take me a few days to slowly come out of it a begin to feel better. Mostly it's thanks in part to my friends and my dog that help bring me out of the haze. Mostly I make my self suffer because it is just me here. I'm not as lucky as some people that have someone to go home to.
Now that I don't have a constant day-to-day interaction with co-workers, I have a lacking of social comfort. School does not count because I only talk to them once a week. My friends have busy lives, especially Minnie. Sometimes I don't know how that girl does what she does...but somehow, she does it with grace and a warm smile. It does get very lonely not having someone to go on new adventures with. Evil twin and Zelda are in Corpus Christi, Ducky is in Virginia along with Chiana, Alex is a new mom, and doesn't share the same spirit as I do. They all have separate lives and I miss them all. These individual people became my family over the years.
Thanks to them all, I don't know where I would be without them!
It's hard to push away the darkness, especially when you are someone like me that internalizes everything. As much as I do need help, I want to be able to make it on my own. When I was growing up, I never wanted to ask for help for fear of being though of stupid. It takes a lot still for me to ask for help, mainly because as previously stated, I want to do it on my own. The thing that I have to realize is, I do need help, and there are people or a person to help...Mom. She may not be fully aware of how I feel but she does try to help me.
To those who have someone to go home to every night, that has someone to hug them at the end of the day, and tell them that everything is going to be ok. Please, be thankful, no matter what that you do have that someone there to support you. Me, I just have Daisy to go home to, and sleep with, and sometimes that just isn't enough. Everyone tells me that I'll eventually find someone, but I don't feel it.
Finding a way out of the haze is an every day battle, no matter who you are. I do my best to be an up-beat and happy person, but when the world feels like it's going to crash down around me, that's the moment that I feel despair and sink to the inside. I am my own worse enemy, I am harder on myself than other people are, and I berate myself for than anyone could imagine. To me if I do something wrong, or mess up on something it's ten times worse. No one could possibly do worse than myself.
It is never a fun spot to be in, the haze. If anyone out there goes through it if they ever need someone to talk to my inbox is always open. The dark and haze is not the place to be, I have to make myself get out more even though I'm almost afraid to.The moral of my story tonight is, it is never easy starting over. Thar's all for tonight, my darling Dizzy (Daisy) is ready to go up-stairs and go to bed, and my hip is bothering my again, so the pain is making me bid you adieu until tomorrow.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
eBay
It amazes me sometime, what you can find on eBay. Lately when I can't sleep I find myself perusing the items of eBay.
I remembered a stuffed animal or a stuffed something I had as a kid, it was called a popable. It was some sort of strange looking thing, but it was cute. You could turn it into a football, a soccer ball, or a baseball. I had the one that turned into a football. I could never do it as a kid, so I always got Mom to do it for me.
I've also been able to find TON'S of different types of Barbies. I collected them for a long time, regular ones that you could take out of the box, and then the really nice ones that you were not supposed to take out of the box. I was stupid enough to take three of my "Gone With the Wind" dolls out of their box. I just wanted to touch their "real rooted" eyelashes. Scarlett's hair was gorgeous and I just wanted to feel how soft it was.
On one of my last shopping ventures I actually found the same cross-stitch book that Mom has., Although, this one is complete, it has all the patterns in there.
eBay has really exploded it seems to me. There is so much there, you can find anything from Antiques, to tutu's. Now people are even selling pointe shoes! If I needed to buy them all I would have to do is go to eBay, wouldn't need to go to a dance store of website, although I think discount dance sells them for less.
I'm tempted to sell my dolls on eBay, it's just difficult to part with them because some of them, well most of them are special to me. There's a wonderful supply of anything you could possibly think of in the world of eBay.
I remembered a stuffed animal or a stuffed something I had as a kid, it was called a popable. It was some sort of strange looking thing, but it was cute. You could turn it into a football, a soccer ball, or a baseball. I had the one that turned into a football. I could never do it as a kid, so I always got Mom to do it for me.
I've also been able to find TON'S of different types of Barbies. I collected them for a long time, regular ones that you could take out of the box, and then the really nice ones that you were not supposed to take out of the box. I was stupid enough to take three of my "Gone With the Wind" dolls out of their box. I just wanted to touch their "real rooted" eyelashes. Scarlett's hair was gorgeous and I just wanted to feel how soft it was.
On one of my last shopping ventures I actually found the same cross-stitch book that Mom has., Although, this one is complete, it has all the patterns in there.
eBay has really exploded it seems to me. There is so much there, you can find anything from Antiques, to tutu's. Now people are even selling pointe shoes! If I needed to buy them all I would have to do is go to eBay, wouldn't need to go to a dance store of website, although I think discount dance sells them for less.
I'm tempted to sell my dolls on eBay, it's just difficult to part with them because some of them, well most of them are special to me. There's a wonderful supply of anything you could possibly think of in the world of eBay.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
An idea
I have this idea...I want to set up a web page for people like me. I'm not sure what the entire concept would be, but I want to help people.
The other day I was thinking about when I first came in, I had no idea what to expect. When I went to the ship the first time, I was very unprepared. Now that I'm out, I would also like to be able to help that have been forced out too. I'd like to help by giving them easy access to information that is hard to get, and maybe answer some questions that people didn't think to ask.
Another part of it would be, maybe sending care packages to people that are deployed, that have no family or friends to send them things, so they ask our service to help hem out, send them goodies that they can't get where they are. I always loved it when I got homemade goodies, and I just want to be able to give someone else that joy of having so eying sent to them.
The other day I was thinking about when I first came in, I had no idea what to expect. When I went to the ship the first time, I was very unprepared. Now that I'm out, I would also like to be able to help that have been forced out too. I'd like to help by giving them easy access to information that is hard to get, and maybe answer some questions that people didn't think to ask.
Another part of it would be, maybe sending care packages to people that are deployed, that have no family or friends to send them things, so they ask our service to help hem out, send them goodies that they can't get where they are. I always loved it when I got homemade goodies, and I just want to be able to give someone else that joy of having so eying sent to them.
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