After all, enough is enough.
It's hard for me. The hardest it's been in the past 6 years. Granted my last command drove me up the wall, but I never felt stupid. I had a lot of respect from my co-workers, and I didn't second guess myself as much as I do now.
The main reason it's so hard for me is because I'm not as up to par with my co-workers. They have the advantage of always been in the shop, always worked in their rate. Me? Ha! In the last 7 years this is what I've done.
- Worked in 1st LT for a year
- Went TAD on the boat for 6 months during my first deployment
- Spent 2 years in the Line Shack
- Worked 2 years in Corrosion
Then when I got to my shop at my current command I spent about 3 months or so actually working in my rate before I had to take a break from it and work on training on the computer.
I've only been working "Hard Core" Airframes stuff for the past couple of months. I'm trying, but it's not going very well. People talk to me like I'm stupid, treat me with no respect, and act like they should be given the respect they don't show me.
Mostly I don't get it! Why is it so hard for me to understand? Am I really not cut out to do this job after all? Maybe it's just the fact that I've never actually worked in my rate for very long, or it could be I just don't have very good leaders as far as supervisors go.
It stresses me out, and makes me feel like crap. I try to make myself feel better by remind myself that I haven't been doing this as long as they have, but at least I'm trying. Or at least I THINK I'm trying...it's eventually gotta come down to me becoming def to them or to something. It's a hard decision to make when you know there's something better out there as far as the Navy goes, but you can't get there because someone wasn't paying attention to your career and you got screwed out of orders to a new command by three months.
Granted that I was paying attention but I didn't know there was some new rule that came out and moved it back by three months. SO I'm stuck in hell for another year...WHAT-A-DRAG!!!
The scary part would be getting out and not knowing what the hell I was going to do for a job, or school for that matter. I don't know WHAT I WANT TO BE!!! I don't know if I could teach like my mom, or if I would even want to.
I've wanted to go the University of Georgia for most of my life, and I want to much to get there, I just don't know how or when I will get there.
It does bother me A LOT that I don't know my job as well as others do and I feel rather incompetent doing it sometimes, and all I want is to be good at what I do and UNDERSTAND! But the biggest thing is, how do you learn or understand if there's no one their willing to take the time and teach you?
Another thing is, I don't like it when people yell at me in front of others. If you have a problem with me or with something I did, come to me, don't announce it to the whole shop or shops. That's just wrong, and it's considered throwing someone under the bus. Secondly I'm a very private person and you yelling at me and talking down to me in front of an audience, is considered a violation of my privacy. I don't want the whole world knowing about my mistakes. Granted, I'm human and I will make mistakes and I accept that, but why can't other people accept the fact that there are better ways to talk to people in order to get what you want.
I know that being nice all the time isn't going to get you what you want, but talking down to someone and yelling at them like their stupid isn't either.
My question is: How do I leave the Navy and be able to financially support myself? Is it something that I can do, is it something I really want, or is it just a way for me to feel some sort of relief?
I don't know what to do next...