Fear

Fear is a gripping, non physical, emotional being that takes hold of us when we least expect it. It holds us down and keeps us hidden safe and sound inside our thin outer shells.

Fear is one of those things that shoves your head under the water and holds it there forever, expecting you to breath while your under. Never knowing that if you could you would, so you suffocate. You suffocate on fear.

For me fear holds me back from a things here and there. Especially when it concerns me and something that involves me.

I'm not generally afraid of many things, just emotional issues. I fear the answers I will get, and I fear being hurt.

Fear is also one of THOSE, that holds us back or knocks us down, expecting us to get down and stay down and not try and conquer over it.

I fear telling Mighty Mouse that I love him still, and that no matter what I just want to be with him. I fear telling Curve Ball that I enjoy hanging out with him, and spending time with him. I fear telling both of them that I'm an incredible person and if there not smart they will miss something tremendously wonderful (and it's not often that I toot my own horn like that).

Sometimes I fear that I'll never see Mighty Mouse again and that just kills me, sometimes I wish I could let him or tell him to read what I write here because this is all me with no hold backs, a lot of honesty and full emotional input.

But then again there's that fear thing coming back again, and it tells me not too because I don't know the out come of it. I'm one of those "WHY?" people. I tend to ask why a lot because I fear the unknown. Basically I'm a big 'ol freakin' scaredy cat.

How do we overcome fear? How do I face my fears, and face my fears alone? Once again there's that alone thing, and here's the fear that goes with it...I fear living the rest of my life alone, with no one to really share my life with. I was almost there, almost done with that fear, when everything came crashing down around me.

Fear is what holds me back from telling the people I care about how I really feel. I don't want to jeopardize my friendships or relationships with them, so I don't say a thing, and I watch them be happy, as I drive away wondering when it will be my turn.

Lone

I'm alone. I don't like it much, and it gets rather depressing at times, just sitting here watching TV or playing Mario Brothers by myself. But I don't think there's much I can do about it.

I'm a people person. Unlike some people in my family I do enjoy being around people. Granted, just like everyone I like my alone time too, but I've had enough of that to last me a long while.

Is it so much to ask for to have someone special in my life? I'm 25 for God sakes, and I'm a FREAKIN 'LONE! I don't know what the hell has gone so wrong that the people just give up on me with out even really trying. That's what I feel like at least. I feel like people give up on me before I or we've even had a chance at anything real.

I miss having someone there at night to talk to and share my thoughts with. With Mighty Mouse and I not talking much and him being out on the boat, I find myself missing him more and more. Although he would never know it. The few days that we spent together were some of the best.

Having someone to hold me close at night is something I miss as much as his voice and presence. Is it so much to ask for to have someone do that? Sometimes it hurts to see people so happy when I'm not. It hurts me to see people that have significant others so happy and here I am with no one.

What can I do, besides sit here and wait? I have no clue, I can't even tell Curve ball that I like spending time with him no matter how annoying or loud he gets. He also has a girl-friend, but that's hasn't stopped us from hanging out before, but now that he's back in town it is different.

I hate being alone.

More Boobage

Why is it that we full chested gals can not find a decent bra that looks good?

I love Victoria's Secret and Aeri. But, sometimes it is so hard to find my size. I'm only a 38B, I'm sure my mother would say other wise but, I am what I say I am.

It gets difficult when you go shopping at their stores and you to find your size but they don't have it. Why is that? It's not like I'm some random outrageous size. It's a normal size!!

Every time I go into Victoria's Secret I go to the PINK collection. Why? Because they have the cutest bra's. That and their really girly and colorful. Which are all things that I love.

Even when I go onto Aeri's website and look it gets difficult. I see a really cute 2 colored polka-dotted bra, and I click on it to see how much it is, and see if they have my size....

They don't.

You may wonder why web sites say they offer size 34A-38DD but yet, when you look for what you like they don't have your size in what they want. I know I wonder.

I had to shop by size, and it pulled up a few of their collections. The ones I clicked on wound up having my size highlighted in blue, but what erked me was that it was select collections. Not all.

Is that fair? Is it fair to only offer your size in select collections or patterns? Why not all? Doesn't their clothes depend on selling, so therefore they depend on us. Well, if they don't offer our size then don't they loose possible customers, as well as good business.

I get so frustrated shopping for bra's. Mainly because it's a little depressing when you can't buy the cute bra that you saw in the sales add.

Shopping for bra's is an ordeal, so much so that you have to shop online to find your size, even though it's a normal size. Do they really think all girls have itty bitty boobs, and if so WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?

Granted if we really wanted a bra we could probably go to Wal-Mart or Target. But would we be able to get the same quality?

I'm just wondering, and really wanting some cute bra's.

Dogs, cars and lieshes

Tonight, was one of THOSE nights. The one out of a million or so mundane nights that you've had before only this mundane night turned into something very different from what was expected.

After getting a surprise visit by one of my dear friends Zelda, we decided to go to the Dairy Queen and get a snack. She opted to take the dogs along. Since I had taken Daisy before, and I knew Minnie had done the same for Cindy, I figured why not. They would be tired by the time we got back anyway.

The walk there was uneventful, we got out ice cream and water, then we started out for home. That's when all hell broke loose so to speak.

Zelda had Cindy and I had Daisy and we were about to cross in the cross walk before the entrance to Taco Bell. That's when Cindy pulled out of he leash.

There was something in the road and Cindy jumped around it to see what it was and so did Zelda, by the time she realized that she no longer had her coller on, it was too late, Cindy was on the run.

We gave chase of Cindy, and I really thought she would stop. I figured she knew better being raised by Sarah.

She stopped for a moment in front of the boarded up Checkers, and I was only a few feet from her, and as I was about to grab her she took off.

We started running after her again, and mind you that I'm running in flip flops and Zelda's running in platforms.

There were some really nice people that tried to stop and help us corral Cindy. It almost worked, we had her blocked in by two cars, then she got through an opening...getting closer to the road...I ran after her after she got through the two cars trying to tap her in. Zelda was on the other side and I honestly thought our ordeal was almost over.

But remember, it was almost 10 o'clock at night on a Saturday on a very busy road in Jacksonville.

The next thing I know, Cindy had ran into traffic....

I heard Zelda yell for her, saw car's slamming on brakes and trying to stop, then I heard barking. I couldn't see what was happening...there were cars blocking my view, but the worse thing that could happen did happen...

She got hit by a car...then she turned around and barked at the car...like it was the cars fault for hitting her and she was showing her indignation of being hit by barking at it.

Once again she was off and running...I lost sight of her and I couldn't tell where she had gone. I didn't know if she would run back to my house or run back to her house which is in the same subdivision.

As Zelda and I are run/walking down a poorly lit road by the house, a really nice lady stopped and told us to get in...mind you I never take rides from strangers, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

She told us that she had been following Cindy and she saw two other guys running after her, so she turned around and came and picked us up.

As she turned into our Subdivision, I asked her to just drop us off at the beginning of our street, but Zelda said let's just ride around and see if we can find her. As we got a little further down the street, we could see that the two gentlemen had found her...at MY HOUSE!

When we pulled up to the house and I opened the garage door they were a little surprised to find out that she had ran all the way back to the house.

I finally had Cindy stopped we put her coller on and led her back into the house...of course saying thank you to the two gentlemen who took the time to help us.

The thing I didn't realize was that Cindy was bleeding...all over the place. Not bad, but she had cut up the pads of her paws from running on the pavement. I tried to calm her down once we got in the house but she just kept panting. Next thing you know, Zelda, Cindy and I are on our way to the Clay County Animal Emergency Room.

After a two hour visit and some powerful drugs later Cindy is on her way back to being the same 'ole pain in the rear dog...I'm just hoping that Minnie finally takes my advice and gets her a harness.

That way she can't slip out of collier and scare the hell out of anyone EVER again.

The only bad thing or hard thing was having to call Minnie and her sister to tell them what had happened. It was so hard to do, and I feel really horrible for what happened while she was here. It's safe to say I will NEVER dog sit again.

I feel awkward and a little reluctant when I talk to Minnie. This is two days after Cindy got hit by the car, and for me it's hard to face my friend. Even though she said it wasn't my fault and said I did the right thing, I feel like maybe she maybe a little mad at me. She may not say it but I feel like it's possible, even though she's an incredibly nice person, I think she's subject to the human emotion of madness.

Faith

Faith: What is it, and why do some of us tend to have more of it than others?

Me, I'm one of those that tends to have a lot faith in people and situations. Especially when it comes to my team. Curve Ball will tell me over and over again that Georgia will loose, and I say over and over again, no they wont. Why? Because I have faith in my team.

Sometimes I think I put to much faith in people. I guess I'm one of those people who chooses to see the good in people, or tries to see the good.

I have a lot of faith in my abilities, I just wish other people did too. People sell me short, don't give me enough credit, think I'm not good enough, or just think I'm stupid.

My co-workers and even my friends are guilty of not having faith in me or anything for that matter.

I'm the kind of person that wants to prove themselves. Prove that they can hang with the big boys, and play with big boy toys. But some people mistake that for being obstinate, when it's really just determination that drives me to finish my work, even when it's kicking my butt.

I also have faith in love. The love and bond that two people share despite the obstacles they must overcome in order to be. Most of all I have faith in me.

Boobage

Boobs...women have then, some hate them, men tend to love them. Something I still don't get but whatever ( I have a feeling my mother may blush at the above sentence).

I've often wondered why we women have been "blessed" with boobs. Their either too small or to large, some get the happy medium others don't.

Every time I go for a run I think about this. Usually when there bouncing everywhere, despite the sports bra.

When you've got an abundance of boobage it makes it difficult to do many things, like running, swimming in a two piece, and wearing button up shirts.

As I was driving back to work the other day from PT, I noticed a woman who was a little heavy, and a rather large booty, and chest running with a partner. A thought occurred to me...is running hard for her? It seemed like it was, I don't think her boobage was tied down at all.

It gets tough sometimes, you're trying to run but your boobs just move around so much that it takes more of an effort to run, and not feel like you're running out of breath.

The same thing goes for swimming. You can find a great pair of bottoms, which for me is hard to do but I do have one pair of bottoms that look great on me, but finding a top is difficult, especially when it's not made to be sold separately.

When I go swimming with the girls, we usually start to play around in the water, ya know, the doing flips doing handstands under water sort of thing. But every time I jump from in the water to out of the water to back in the water, my top doesn't like to stay on, or I'm constantly adjusting then readjusting my coverage.

Me, I love to dive, but once again when I dive my top doesn't like to. Sometimes it has a mind of it's own.

Some people are so lucky, they see a really cute button up shirt, the like it they buy it, all is well. Me or women like me however see a cute button up shirt, try it on, realize that when it's buttoned up, the buttons around the biggest part of our boobs pulls to either side and screams, "Hey look at me I'm a large pair of boobs in a shirt that doesn't fit."

One of my friends just recently had a reduction. She looks so much better now, her boobs look like they belong on her body. Before she had reduction, her boobs use to be so large that at night it would pinch a nerve in her back and make her arms or legs go numb for a little while.

I don't know if I will understand why women want to get "DD" or "FF" implants. That's just so much more weight on your top end that is really not that flattering. Granted, their are women who are born with little to no boobage who have a self esteem issue that decide later on in life to augmentation to alleviate that problem but their is such a thing as too much.

Boobage is also a problem when you're trying to loose weight and part of your weight is stuck in your boobs. Trust me, it wasn't until I dropped like 20 lbs on cruise that my boobs actually diminished in size slightly. I wish when I do weigh-ins for the PRT that we could subtract the weight of our boobs, especially since men don't have that issue, so weigh-ins are no problem for them.

Boobage is a bitch to deal with, their needs to be a way to diminish the boobage that we carry around with us for most of our lives with out surgery, or a dramatic drop in weight.

Thank you's and good job!

I wonder how many people these days say thank you? Saying thank you is something I always say, I guess it was part of my upbringing. My Me maw would get so haughty with me as a kid if I didn't say "Yes Mam, no mam, thank you, your welcome" She was a very, very old fashioned Southern woman.

There isn't a day that goes by that I haven't said thank you to someone. To me, it's an important part of who I am as a person. It's polite and it even catches people of guard sometimes because they don't hear it that ofter.

Whenever I work with people I always make sure to say thank you, and if it's someone who is learning something new, I make a point to tell them good job.

Giving someone a boost like "Good job" may be the only positive thing that they hear all day. After all the world is a rather negative place these days.

Good job means a lot to me. It's a pat on the back sort of thing, I some what believe my piers when the tell me that, half the time I think their being sarcastic, because that's what they do best. Criticize my short comings and be as negative as they possibly can be.

I don't know if people in the Navy hear that enough..."Good job" I was working with this new Airmen today, who really didn't know how to fuel an aircraft. So, I had to be stern (if that's a good description) and be serious with the guy. I began by asking him questions about the evolution we were doing, to get the wheels in his head turning. It did, I got him to realize what we needed to get out hob done, WITHOUT doing something stupid, like fueling with out power applied.

When we got done with fueling, I told him "Good job" he said thank you and we started walking back to the shack. As we walked I reminded him of what he needed the next time he did a fueling, and told him that I knew that the next time he had to fuel he could do it with no problem.

I like being able to do something like that. Give someone a boost. They may walk away thinking that they did a bad job and may loose some confidence but if you tell them they did good and help them along, it can only bring some good ju ju your way.