Thursday, October 1, 2009

More Boobage

Why is it that we full chested gals can not find a decent bra that looks good?

I love Victoria's Secret and Aeri. But, sometimes it is so hard to find my size. I'm only a 38B, I'm sure my mother would say other wise but, I am what I say I am.

It gets difficult when you go shopping at their stores and you to find your size but they don't have it. Why is that? It's not like I'm some random outrageous size. It's a normal size!!

Every time I go into Victoria's Secret I go to the PINK collection. Why? Because they have the cutest bra's. That and their really girly and colorful. Which are all things that I love.

Even when I go onto Aeri's website and look it gets difficult. I see a really cute 2 colored polka-dotted bra, and I click on it to see how much it is, and see if they have my size....

They don't.

You may wonder why web sites say they offer size 34A-38DD but yet, when you look for what you like they don't have your size in what they want. I know I wonder.

I had to shop by size, and it pulled up a few of their collections. The ones I clicked on wound up having my size highlighted in blue, but what erked me was that it was select collections. Not all.

Is that fair? Is it fair to only offer your size in select collections or patterns? Why not all? Doesn't their clothes depend on selling, so therefore they depend on us. Well, if they don't offer our size then don't they loose possible customers, as well as good business.

I get so frustrated shopping for bra's. Mainly because it's a little depressing when you can't buy the cute bra that you saw in the sales add.

Shopping for bra's is an ordeal, so much so that you have to shop online to find your size, even though it's a normal size. Do they really think all girls have itty bitty boobs, and if so WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?

Granted if we really wanted a bra we could probably go to Wal-Mart or Target. But would we be able to get the same quality?

I'm just wondering, and really wanting some cute bra's.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Dogs, cars and lieshes

Tonight, was one of THOSE nights. The one out of a million or so mundane nights that you've had before only this mundane night turned into something very different from what was expected.

After getting a surprise visit by one of my dear friends Zelda, we decided to go to the Dairy Queen and get a snack. She opted to take the dogs along. Since I had taken Daisy before, and I knew Minnie had done the same for Cindy, I figured why not. They would be tired by the time we got back anyway.

The walk there was uneventful, we got out ice cream and water, then we started out for home. That's when all hell broke loose so to speak.

Zelda had Cindy and I had Daisy and we were about to cross in the cross walk before the entrance to Taco Bell. That's when Cindy pulled out of he leash.

There was something in the road and Cindy jumped around it to see what it was and so did Zelda, by the time she realized that she no longer had her coller on, it was too late, Cindy was on the run.

We gave chase of Cindy, and I really thought she would stop. I figured she knew better being raised by Sarah.

She stopped for a moment in front of the boarded up Checkers, and I was only a few feet from her, and as I was about to grab her she took off.

We started running after her again, and mind you that I'm running in flip flops and Zelda's running in platforms.

There were some really nice people that tried to stop and help us corral Cindy. It almost worked, we had her blocked in by two cars, then she got through an opening...getting closer to the road...I ran after her after she got through the two cars trying to tap her in. Zelda was on the other side and I honestly thought our ordeal was almost over.

But remember, it was almost 10 o'clock at night on a Saturday on a very busy road in Jacksonville.

The next thing I know, Cindy had ran into traffic....

I heard Zelda yell for her, saw car's slamming on brakes and trying to stop, then I heard barking. I couldn't see what was happening...there were cars blocking my view, but the worse thing that could happen did happen...

She got hit by a car...then she turned around and barked at the it was the cars fault for hitting her and she was showing her indignation of being hit by barking at it.

Once again she was off and running...I lost sight of her and I couldn't tell where she had gone. I didn't know if she would run back to my house or run back to her house which is in the same subdivision.

As Zelda and I are run/walking down a poorly lit road by the house, a really nice lady stopped and told us to get in...mind you I never take rides from strangers, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

She told us that she had been following Cindy and she saw two other guys running after her, so she turned around and came and picked us up.

As she turned into our Subdivision, I asked her to just drop us off at the beginning of our street, but Zelda said let's just ride around and see if we can find her. As we got a little further down the street, we could see that the two gentlemen had found MY HOUSE!

When we pulled up to the house and I opened the garage door they were a little surprised to find out that she had ran all the way back to the house.

I finally had Cindy stopped we put her coller on and led her back into the house...of course saying thank you to the two gentlemen who took the time to help us.

The thing I didn't realize was that Cindy was bleeding...all over the place. Not bad, but she had cut up the pads of her paws from running on the pavement. I tried to calm her down once we got in the house but she just kept panting. Next thing you know, Zelda, Cindy and I are on our way to the Clay County Animal Emergency Room.

After a two hour visit and some powerful drugs later Cindy is on her way back to being the same 'ole pain in the rear dog...I'm just hoping that Minnie finally takes my advice and gets her a harness.

That way she can't slip out of collier and scare the hell out of anyone EVER again.

The only bad thing or hard thing was having to call Minnie and her sister to tell them what had happened. It was so hard to do, and I feel really horrible for what happened while she was here. It's safe to say I will NEVER dog sit again.

I feel awkward and a little reluctant when I talk to Minnie. This is two days after Cindy got hit by the car, and for me it's hard to face my friend. Even though she said it wasn't my fault and said I did the right thing, I feel like maybe she maybe a little mad at me. She may not say it but I feel like it's possible, even though she's an incredibly nice person, I think she's subject to the human emotion of madness.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


Faith: What is it, and why do some of us tend to have more of it than others?

Me, I'm one of those that tends to have a lot faith in people and situations. Especially when it comes to my team. Curve Ball will tell me over and over again that Georgia will loose, and I say over and over again, no they wont. Why? Because I have faith in my team.

Sometimes I think I put to much faith in people. I guess I'm one of those people who chooses to see the good in people, or tries to see the good.

I have a lot of faith in my abilities, I just wish other people did too. People sell me short, don't give me enough credit, think I'm not good enough, or just think I'm stupid.

My co-workers and even my friends are guilty of not having faith in me or anything for that matter.

I'm the kind of person that wants to prove themselves. Prove that they can hang with the big boys, and play with big boy toys. But some people mistake that for being obstinate, when it's really just determination that drives me to finish my work, even when it's kicking my butt.

I also have faith in love. The love and bond that two people share despite the obstacles they must overcome in order to be. Most of all I have faith in me.

Sunday, September 6, 2009


Boobs...women have then, some hate them, men tend to love them. Something I still don't get but whatever ( I have a feeling my mother may blush at the above sentence).

I've often wondered why we women have been "blessed" with boobs. Their either too small or to large, some get the happy medium others don't.

Every time I go for a run I think about this. Usually when there bouncing everywhere, despite the sports bra.

When you've got an abundance of boobage it makes it difficult to do many things, like running, swimming in a two piece, and wearing button up shirts.

As I was driving back to work the other day from PT, I noticed a woman who was a little heavy, and a rather large booty, and chest running with a partner. A thought occurred to running hard for her? It seemed like it was, I don't think her boobage was tied down at all.

It gets tough sometimes, you're trying to run but your boobs just move around so much that it takes more of an effort to run, and not feel like you're running out of breath.

The same thing goes for swimming. You can find a great pair of bottoms, which for me is hard to do but I do have one pair of bottoms that look great on me, but finding a top is difficult, especially when it's not made to be sold separately.

When I go swimming with the girls, we usually start to play around in the water, ya know, the doing flips doing handstands under water sort of thing. But every time I jump from in the water to out of the water to back in the water, my top doesn't like to stay on, or I'm constantly adjusting then readjusting my coverage.

Me, I love to dive, but once again when I dive my top doesn't like to. Sometimes it has a mind of it's own.

Some people are so lucky, they see a really cute button up shirt, the like it they buy it, all is well. Me or women like me however see a cute button up shirt, try it on, realize that when it's buttoned up, the buttons around the biggest part of our boobs pulls to either side and screams, "Hey look at me I'm a large pair of boobs in a shirt that doesn't fit."

One of my friends just recently had a reduction. She looks so much better now, her boobs look like they belong on her body. Before she had reduction, her boobs use to be so large that at night it would pinch a nerve in her back and make her arms or legs go numb for a little while.

I don't know if I will understand why women want to get "DD" or "FF" implants. That's just so much more weight on your top end that is really not that flattering. Granted, their are women who are born with little to no boobage who have a self esteem issue that decide later on in life to augmentation to alleviate that problem but their is such a thing as too much.

Boobage is also a problem when you're trying to loose weight and part of your weight is stuck in your boobs. Trust me, it wasn't until I dropped like 20 lbs on cruise that my boobs actually diminished in size slightly. I wish when I do weigh-ins for the PRT that we could subtract the weight of our boobs, especially since men don't have that issue, so weigh-ins are no problem for them.

Boobage is a bitch to deal with, their needs to be a way to diminish the boobage that we carry around with us for most of our lives with out surgery, or a dramatic drop in weight.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Thank you's and good job!

I wonder how many people these days say thank you? Saying thank you is something I always say, I guess it was part of my upbringing. My Me maw would get so haughty with me as a kid if I didn't say "Yes Mam, no mam, thank you, your welcome" She was a very, very old fashioned Southern woman.

There isn't a day that goes by that I haven't said thank you to someone. To me, it's an important part of who I am as a person. It's polite and it even catches people of guard sometimes because they don't hear it that ofter.

Whenever I work with people I always make sure to say thank you, and if it's someone who is learning something new, I make a point to tell them good job.

Giving someone a boost like "Good job" may be the only positive thing that they hear all day. After all the world is a rather negative place these days.

Good job means a lot to me. It's a pat on the back sort of thing, I some what believe my piers when the tell me that, half the time I think their being sarcastic, because that's what they do best. Criticize my short comings and be as negative as they possibly can be.

I don't know if people in the Navy hear that enough..."Good job" I was working with this new Airmen today, who really didn't know how to fuel an aircraft. So, I had to be stern (if that's a good description) and be serious with the guy. I began by asking him questions about the evolution we were doing, to get the wheels in his head turning. It did, I got him to realize what we needed to get out hob done, WITHOUT doing something stupid, like fueling with out power applied.

When we got done with fueling, I told him "Good job" he said thank you and we started walking back to the shack. As we walked I reminded him of what he needed the next time he did a fueling, and told him that I knew that the next time he had to fuel he could do it with no problem.

I like being able to do something like that. Give someone a boost. They may walk away thinking that they did a bad job and may loose some confidence but if you tell them they did good and help them along, it can only bring some good ju ju your way.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Water, water, everywhere.....

If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm a little on the green side. If you know what I mean! I'm all in for recycling, conservation of our materials, and alternate means to help us survive without using up all our precious resources.

Water is a precious commodity that we take for advantage, and over use without even giving it a second thought.

Have you ever turned on the water while you were brushing your teeth and left it running?

How about while you were washing the car? Maybe you didn't have a spray nozzle and decided to just wing it, but didn't want to take the time to turn off the water?

As someone that has served on board an Aircraft Carrier, I know about water conservation, and how important it is. After all, who wants to get down from the flight deck at the end of the day after being up there in the 100 plus degree heat, and not be able to take a shower.

The other day I was out on the wash rack waiting for the line rats to get done with the wash job so that I could go and do my post wash lube job. As I stood there I noticed that no one was using the water, but the water was running....into the wasn't being used, it was being wasted.

I mean, come on, the least they could have done was to turn the water off, there wasn't a purpose to having it continue running.

You would think that the Navy, being all sea power and everything, would teach us more about conservation acts, and provide us with the material to do so, but NOPE, they don't.

On a ship water is precious, but it seems like the moment you're on land, all that goes out the window. The next time you brush your teeth turn the water off until your done, save a little water for the rest of us, you never know when it will be all gone.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Enough is enough, already! Gee whiz man!

Sometimes I don't get people, and why they do what they do. It makes me want to sit down and examine there inner mind workings. Pick their brain as it were.

It's a given that I'm a very nice person...why? Probably because I like being nice, and being a bit cheerful never hurt anyone. Besides you never know when a person is having a bad day and the little bit of kindness they get is from you. It could be the brightest point in their day, maybe even change it for the better.

The biggest thing with me is why are people or a person in general mean on purpose? What is it about deliberately hurting someone that gets them off? Do they have that low of self esteem that they have to go and attack someone else, just for sheer hell of it?

My other question is, why are people deliberately mean to me? On at least a daily bases, it gets thrown in my face by one of my co-workers that I don't know how to do my job. It may start off nice, as a general discussion for instance, I'll say something and then the will turn around and say :"At least I know how to do my job"

That makes me so mad that they say that, I can't even defend myself, the moment I even try, i have insults thrown at me. I hate being talked down to, and when I try and learn something that I don't know how to do, they usually give me a hard time and then they try and take over what I'm doing...I really hate that.

Today, we were filling out a Green MAF for a calender inspection that was done. Our primary maintenance data system has been down for the past couple of days and just came back up today. The only catch was, calender inspections were not operational yet. When we went to maintenance to sign off what we call a 14-day inspection, I wasn't sure where the MAF (maintenance action form) was in the ADB(aircraft discrepancy book) so I was taking my time while Dem sum was looking in the other book.

He finally tells me, after I had flipped to the last MAF in the active section and just about to flip to the special section, to look under specials. Sorry, but I'm not that failure with the ADB. So I find the MAF and I start asking questions..."Am I supposed to just sign this?" I'm not sure of what I was doing, if it had been on the computer I wouldn't need to ask, but it's on paper and it's not a normal thing so I asked.

His response: "You're not the only one doing a special" he flipped the MAF over and showed me the back..."You gotta but your name down tool box, time you started" well I knew all that but then he said "You can't just put yourself down for time, I just put you on this MAF for two hours...just go, just leave I'll do it..."

I hadn't written anything yet, didn't even try was looking over what other people had written before me. Didn't say I was going to put time on or anything, I didn't even get the chance to try. To me that was a slap in the face. This guy is so impatient and has no leadership qualities what so ever that he can't even take the time and show me how to do something I'm not sure how to do.

Yes, I understand he thinks he better than me because he was there before me and been in our shop longer. My friend Yena said that if someone told him he would get a NAM for training someone, then he'd probably do it then. However, I devote my off time to working on my program. Making sure that it's good, I have a lot of pride in what I do. But, I'm always willing to help people. I help people in my shop as well as out. I try to be a good leader, and have the patience to teach something new to someone.

It's frustrating to do that sometimes, but if you don't take the time to stop and teach someone how are they going to learn? And eventually when you move on up in the rankings, if you haven't taught them well, how are they going to be able to step in and take charge?

Enough, is enough...Ms. Nice girl is leaving the building with a vengeance and slamming doors as she goes. My ass as been bitten one to many times, and I'm tired of it. Thankfully, one of my friends (who is higher ranking than the both of us) offered to help me out. I vented to him and said that it was ok for right now, I'm not sure what the next step needs to be, because I'm sick and tired of being talked down to, and being spoken to like I'm and idiot. He told me that when I want him to talk to Dem sum, just holler and he will do it. Evidently, I'm not the only one in my shop that goes to him with issues. Since my LPO and Chief aren't that approachable, and are unsympathetic, and unhelpful, D-Red is the one we all go to. He's the first higher raking or first PO1 (Petty Officer First Class) that I could sit down and tell him strait up what I was thinking, and how I was feeling.

THAT'S HOW A PO1 is supposed to be. There supposed to help out their junior sailors with anything that comes their way. Or at least that's the way it used to be...maybe the new Navy isn't getting better than the old Navy...maybe the new Navy needs to take a page out of an older play book as far as higher ranking people go, and learn again how to take care of their people. After all, that's how the Chief Petty Officer got it's start.

The most skilled petty officer was called "Chief" he was the one that the junior enlisted looked up to, that's why he was called Chief. Where has that gone? Why is it that people just don't care anymore? I still do, I care a lot about my job and performance. I always strive to do my best, Why can't others see that?

Monday, August 10, 2009


A few days ago my mom posted something about Mike. It was the story of who she thought for the longest time was Mike, but as it turned out was just one of my Chiefs that I was friends with.

That happened on my first cruise, and sometimes it feels like it happened yesterday.

We had a lot of fun together then, and still did until recently. But that's another story for another day.

It made me a little sad to read that, but it was still funny at the same time. It's one of those bitter sweet memories that people like to talk about.

I don't think I even knew at that point how much I loved him. It's surprising to know that my mom knew before me that I was in love with him. And I do love him still very very much so.

There has been so much that has happened between then and now. Good and bad. The one thing that hasn't changed is how much I love him. I know my Mom, and other people may not understand, but I can't explain it. The best way I can though is to say "You're not Me" and the fact is that you don't feel what I feel or hear or say what I say.

I know it's tough, I can't make it easy for anyone not even myself to understand. I'm stubborn and head strong to the very end.

The night that I know I fell in love with him was our first "date" if you want to call it that. We were in Dubai and that morning I had literally ran into him in the p-way outside my birthing. We went to the Sandbox and wound up staying out there the entire day. Playing pool, walking around and talking, and enjoying each others company.

I don't think I had ever talked to someone for that long that I hadn't really known before. But it was one of the best nights of my life. There was just something about him that made me so comfortable and so attracted to him.

After the sun went down that night, it started to get a little cold, and I asked him to walk back with me to grab my coat, naturally he agreed, he's southern and he's a gentlemen, what else would he say. As we walked back to the ship, he put his arm around me, and told me he wanted to kiss me. Oh man, did I want him to do that. But were in the Navy and there's no PDA!!

We spent the next few hours drinking, laughing, and having so much fun. I sat there next to him and knew that I never wanted to be with anyone else.

But due to circumstances beyond my control, it took 5 years for us to finally be with each other again, be in love with each other, give in to every emotion we held back from each other, and share the love we had for each other. But not everything ends with a happy the blink of an eye, without warning he was gone from me...gone from us....

Maybe my happy ending is still to come, maybe someday I will heal....but I will always have Dubai and the Sandbox.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Cianas Birthday Present

For my B-F-F Chianas birthday I knew I wanted to get her something really special and very unique to her personality.

Well, for starters she likes Skulls. She had a really cute skull sticker on the back of her car, I think it has a bow on it, can't remember. One day Zelda and I are perusing the selves of Home Depot...we like to go in there and drool and dream....n e ways back to my story.

So there I was in the middle of the LA.....oh wait wrong story, that belongs in a sea story, which I'm sure I will eventually post about, just not not. Ok, now back to my original story.

Zelda and I were walking around looking at flowers and appliances, and we passed by where they make keys and they have a bunch of different looking lanyards. I looked to see if they had a UGA one, naturally they didn't, but they had a really cute one that had skulls on it, and it was pink.

Normally, I wouldn't get her something pink, but it was cute so I got it. She loved it! I told her that it was only part one of her b-day gift. I had gotten the notion one weekend when my Bragger mom and I went to Jo Anne's Fabrics looking for something or another for her corceting project.

I saw all these really neat and colorful fabrics and I loved them all, it made me want to create something and use all the fabrics in all different colors that I saw. Then I came across some skull fabric and it was the same kind that one of my Chiefs had as a skull cap that our departed CO had hand made for him.

It was then that I decided that I could make something useful for Chiana and make it really personal and special. So today after I left my wonderful duty morning of being a janitor slash Gardener (we had to pull weeds in front of the door to the squadron) I went to Jo Anne's and picked up some fabric and when I got home I went to work on it.

Naturally it never starts off as planned and I really didn't think that it would take me all day, but always remember, measure twice, cut once. My handles wound up being too short, so I had to cut and re-do. But during my process I had to switch sewing machines twice, and broke thread and got my fabric stuck due to my thread getting stuck many, many times. Oh and not to mention I broke almost all my needles.

I say almost all my needles because as I was putting everything up I found the other needle that had fallen out of the package. I was a little perturbed because I was on the last part of sewing the bag and then my needle broke. But woo hoo! I had found one, so I talked nice to my machine all the way through out the completion of the bag, and it turned out rather nice.

Oh and did I mention, I've never made anything like that before, and I didn't even have a patter. Just looked at a bag I had and sketched out what I wanted to do and away I went.

I started my project and 1030 this morning, I finished it at 1930 this evening, didn't even feel like it was that long. But I finished and here is the finished project.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Only people from Georgia.....

Yesterday, I was sent out on an early morning food run to of all places in the world to be at 9 in morning Tropical Smoothie.

As I was standing there waiting for my smoothies to be finished, another customer walked in. As I was about to find out she too was from Georgia.

She approached me and asked if that was my car out there with the Georgia tag. I said I was and we started making pleasant conversation.

Then she asked where Barrow County was. She thought it was near Atlanta or Athens. I told her that it was about 45 minutes North East of Atlanta. Between Athens and Atlanta. We both agreed that we miss is and it's such a great place to live. I told the lady that I liked it around fall when all the leaves began to change.

Then the Lady asked me if Staham, or Statham as she said it, was in Barrow County. I replied that it was and that I grew up there. She then said that she has family there and asked if I knew them.

Being polite I said I may who knows maybe I would maybe I wouldn't. So she gives me the name of her family, and asked if I knew them, I said I didn't think so and she begins to tell me that her cousins daughter just recently started attending Berry College.

I got my smoothies, said good-bye and started back for work. As I got back in my car I came to this conclusion....Only people in Georgia would ask if you knew someone from Georgia.

Sunday, August 2, 2009


The other day someone payed me the kind of complement I had never received before. They said they wanted to be like me, because I am always so nice to people, and I always smile.

I don't know why anyone would want to be me, but I appreciate it none the less. I am or I think I try to be a kind person. I like to be nice to people, it's my nature I guess. When I was growing up people were not very nice to me. They picked on me and called me names, I never understood why.

I'm one of those people that try their best to do what they can for my friends or for anyone that deserves it, and even those that don't.

When my friend told me this I was a little blown away, she said she wanted to be nicer to people because she feels she's a bitch most of the time. Which, in all honesty she is but she can be nice too, when she tried. She didn't think I got mad and blew up at people. My Chief that had been sitting in there listing started laughing and told her that I have in fact blown up on people, and she's seen it, it just takes a while to do it.

I have a really big heart, and I'm sensitive to the extreme. Which is a quality I'm not that fond of. Emotions are not my best friend, their my worst enemy, I think it has a lot to do with anxiety. I want to do what I can for people because I want to and I know that most will not go that extra mile for anyone no matter what.

Morale of the story or rambling is be nice to be nice, not to get anything out of it but to give a little part of you to someone else, and maybe you will be that one person that shows them that kindness in that day, or week. They may take the kindness that you have shown and put it to good use, or even start a chain and pass it one.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Red bags...

Is it me, or am I the only one who takes the red bags to Target to go shopping?

Reason I'm asking is because I never see anyone else taking those bags in, and when I do I almost feel bad because their use to just using the plastic bags. But I always hated using those darn things.

For one, when you have something cold and you put it in the bag the bag would stick to the cold thing, but if you get the reusable bags it doesn't. Thing two, there were always entirely too many bags to contend with, and never more than two items or more in each bag.

I love using the reusable bags. There's so much more than can fit in there and you can carry them a lot better than you could a regular plastic bag. Example, you can put multiple bags over your shoulder like a carrying bag. Can you do that with a plastic bag? You could try but I'm not sure if the bag would stay intact.

Going paperless is a great idea. At least to me it is! Their are multiple uses for the bags you don't even have to use them to buy groceries. If you go there for other things use it then. Try it out, go to a store like Target grab a reusable bag and try it out see how you like it, you never know until you try.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Bath time

Today was bath time. Bath time, for Daisy and Cindy Lou. It's quite the ordeal for Cindy to get a bath, reason being is that she's a big 'ole chicken when it comes to getting a bath. Her Mom told me that she had her teeth brushed and her ears cleaned and the bath was the last part of it. Then after she was done with her bath she was going to go home and pout.

Daisy is relatively calm when it comes to getting a bath. A lot less than Cindy, but she looks like she enjoys it to me. It's a struggle at first to get her all wet but once you start the scrubbing and spray her on her tummy she really likes it.

Another part of bath time is Cindy and Daisy playing. Well Daisy tries to play and Cindy just tries to eat her. Not really but that's what it looks like. So Cindy went first today, because she started playing rough the moment the moment those two saw each other. Her Mom had to tighten down her caller she said "this time their will be no escape artist." Normally what happens is, the moment Cindy sees the water and knows what's going on she does her best to get away from it. So when one person tries to pull and she's pulling in the opposite direction, she's bound to slip out of her caller.

They really are a pair those two. An odd pair but their friends. Really they are! Once they've calmed down, they will even take naps with each other.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Trying to sleep when you have a very playful dog...

Today I came home from work and I decided that it was time to take a nap. I've been so exhausted the past couple of day's and I don't know why. I haven't been working out on the flight line so I know it's not the heat. Sometimes it pays off to be stuck in front of a computer.

Getting back to point of the story. When I came home today, after taking Daisy out to potty and do all that good stuff, I immediately went upstairs put my pj's on and tried to lay down and sleep for a little while. What I didn't know was what the dog was going to do while I tried to sleep.

At first she was ok or I think she was ok with me going upstairs to lie down, but then I realized that she really wanted me to play with her. Weather I'm laying down or sitting in my chair.

She keeps coming and jumping on the bed with her favorite toy a squeaky Elephant I call Horton, after Horton hears a Who. Daisy has the Elephant in her mouth and she keeps hitting me with it, and will not stop. I have my hand above my head and she takes the Elephant and tries to put it my hand. What she's saying is "come on, throw the toy, I want you to throw toy."

Naturally, I throw the Elephant out of the room, and time and time again she kept bringing it back to me . Finally I was so tired that I just quit throwing it, and she hopped up on the bed curled up in a little ball and decided to take a nap herself. There's one thing you got to know about my baby girl...she's relentless, but she's cute!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Airframers and the amusment we find in the simple things #3

One again my co-workers have done it. They've found amusement amongst themselves, and to I get the opportunity to write about it. It's similar to the Three Stooges, although the one stooge in this story didn't mind what they were doing.

We'll call my three stooges Father, Son, and Dem sum. Besides that's some of the many names that they are called. It starts out with Father sitting on the table in the shop waiting for the meeting to be over with, when Son noticed a hanging shoe lace from Fathers boot, and the comedy ensued from there.

As it turns out Son likes to play jokes on Father and Dem sum likes to join in on whatever he can. Father didn't mind he was laughing along with them. Son took one shoe lace from each boot and tied it together. Mind you that Fathers legs are dangling off the table at this point. Well, Son then decides to tie one shoe lace to the table legs, and while Son was doing that Dem sum decided to tie the other shoe string to the other side of the table. He did that while Father was distracted.

When Son finished tying the shoe lace Father starting laughing when he realized that he couldn't get down from the table and if he did, he would fall off, head first. While the rest of us including Father are laughing at his predicament, here comes the Night Check supervisor from out of no where with scissors and cuts his shoe lace free from the table.

Most of us were still laughing, ans then someone asked why he did that we were having fun. He said "I know, but I wasn't" and then her started laughing. It was amusing to watch father try and re lace his boots, especially since he didn't even them out to begin with and now one side was shorter than the other, then he couldn't even lace his boot all the way up and wrap the laces around. So what did he do? He laced his boot halfway up then snipped off the odd end.

Also, it seems that the other day when Father was once again distracted by Son, that another stooge we call "T" zip-tied him to the FOD can in the shop. Father didn't realize that he was zip-tied to the can, so when he got up to go somewhere, he stood up and started clanking when he walked and then he noticed he was zip-tied to the can. He just laughed and said "free seat" and sat down.

All I'm saying is everyone has their own set of stooges. These are just a mere 3 of the many.

Friday, July 3, 2009

What tha!

What else is next? Fist the one person in this world I love the most leaves me then my curve ball finds out he's leaving on Sunday. He's not going to Iraq yet, he has to go through training. But he's going there eventually and he'll be back about this time next year. I'm sad to see him go, he's one of my close friends and I don't really know what's next at least as far as I go? I'm at a loss for most anything these days, I'm not sure what to do, most of my friends say there's nothing I can do. It just seems that I'm losing at every turn. My best friend just told me she's engaged and when her fiancee gets back from cruise their going to be married. I'm very happy for her but at the same time it hurts because I was going to be getting married when my guy got back next summer, now I'm not and it hurts every day that I think about that and no one not even me, can do anything about it.

My 25th birthday

On the 29th of June I turned 25. So since it was my birthday my friend Gin (Ginny Link) decided that she would make the best of it for me starting at 1145 the night before. The story with that is two years ago we had flown to VA to go to the boat on early det for COMPTUEX, and I told her as we were sitting on the bus going to the boat that it was my birthday, it was 1219 am and what does the woman do? She yells out that it's my birthday and tries to get everyone to sing happy birthday to me that was there, it wound up being just here but it was funny and embarrassing, but it was sweet of her to do. That's why she decided to show up at my house at 1145 on the 28th. I had just gotten back from SC and was exhausted and trying to sleep but she was persistent then she decides to call me and tell me to come down and let her in! I told her let yourself in you have a key!!! In all her bubblieness she came in and waited for it to be 19 minutes after midnight and proceeded to sing happy birthday to me, and she brought a balloon for me! So the very same morning much later now, I went and picked her up at her apartment and took her to PSD, then I had to stop and get gas on base. Shouldn't have stopped I just new she was going to do something, and oh boy did she. She's on the other side of the car standing up and talking to me over the car as I'm getting gas and then next thing you know she's telling everyone that it's my birthday as loud as she could. Then there was lunch and oh boy can she be a sneaky little devil, we had just sat down to eat and she was telling me she forgot her phone in the car (yeah, right) so I gave her the keys and she comes back sits down, and tells me I might want to move that box next to me before somebody trips over it. I has no idea where it cam from and she had this "I'm innocent look" on her face. She kept bugging me to open it. I was trying to wait until after I had finished my lunch but nope I had to open it then. She had made me a knotted UGA fleece blanket that had two different sides. One had Harry dawg on it, the Arches, and the Older UGA bulldog on it, the other side is my favorite, it has the UGA "G" on it printed in an Argyle style. So we've finished eating and I knew she was going to do something yet again and she did I couldn't walk fast enough. She started singing happy birthday to me as we walked out of Zaxby's. Gin is a one of a kind gal!

Monday, June 1, 2009


Daisy is my one year old beagle. She's a pain and a joy to have all at once. My baby girl is smart and she cares about everyone even me. The funny part is the way she tells you when she wants to play.

She has this squeaky green Elephant that I named Horton, from Horton hears a Who. When she wants to play she will find her Elephant and bring it to you squeak it and hit you or nudge you with it until you throw it. I can be sitting here typing and she will get the urge to play with the darn thing and then she'll come up to me and hit me with it repeatedly until I finally brake down and throw it for her. The key thing is to throw it far so she will run after it, that way she gets tired faster. She's so funny when it comes to going potty. She goes to the glass door and will rustle the blinds cry a bit and stand there at the corner of the couch where you can see her, and wait for you to get up. If you don't get up or notice her right away she will keep doing it. If you really, really, ignore her she'll do it a few times then she will bark at you and basically say to you I need to go out now let me out of here.

When it comes down to me being sad or crying she's the one who tries to make you feel better. She gives you that big brown puppy dog eyed look, until you can't help but smile. If that doesn't do it though she'll cry and then hop up on your lap, try to climb up your chest and hug you. It's really cute when she does it, and really sweet. She's a cuddle monkey that girl. She loves to cuddle. Whenever she sleeps in the bed she has to sleep right next to you, and not only that but she has to sleep under the covers most of the time. She's fun to play with and she loves everyone, and if you forget to fill her bowl with water she'll try and climb the counter to get some, or sit there and cry until you fill her bowl. I guess that's all about my Beagle Baby for now, I'm sure there will me more stories about her to come.

Airframers and the amusment we find in the simple things #2

This is only the second installment of many stories that I'm sure I will wind up passing along, due to the insane things or strange things that my co-workers and I find ourselves doing.

So, to start my story here's the setting, myself and 3 other co-workers or shipmates for those who understand Navy lingo, we were out on one of our aircraft's checking the lead and lag of a rotor blade to see if there was a dampener leaking. Well, when we do that we have this large strap that we throw over the blade then one or two people will pull on the strap while one is up on the top of the aircraft looking at the dampener while the people on the ground are pulling. As we began to walk back to our shop one of the guys begins rolling up the strap and the other one picks up the other end. Then out of no where one of the guys tells the other chick were working with to jump in. They started swinging the strap like it was a jump rope. She runs up to it and the guys falter. They couldn't even get it up over her head, it was funny to see and then the guys were saying it would be funny to go and ask one of our Chiefs to join in. They jokingly ask him, and he declines saying they should get another strap and make it double dutch then he might decide to jump in.

It goes to show you that we really are a strange bunch and that we can find anything out there to entertain ourselves with. That and the fact that even as adults we still tend to do things that were fun to us as kids. Jump roping and laughing.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


I've been wanting to touch on this subject for a while, I just haven't done it until now. I really believe that we should try and recycle what we can, believe it or not it does reduce the amount of waist that we go through and it is cost reducing if you re use something that you already have instead of trying to make it from scratch all over again. My reasoning for this is I look at where I work and I see how much waist we go through. We have what we call a Geedunk, that's Navy talk for candy. It has more than that like, chips, soda, water, cough drops, aspirin, coffee, oatmeal, and lots of other stuff. Well, when you're going there what seems like thirteen million times a day to get a water or a soda, and when you're done with it what do you do? Throw it away in the trash can. There's more that you can do with that if you or we would actually make an effort to recycle. We waste so much where I work and it doesn't seem to phase anyone that we can actually reduce the amount that were throwing away. Also, we have shredders that eat up lots of paper and what do we do when it's full....throw it in the trash instead of trying to recycle. If we actually could put forth and effort we could have a tremendous effect on the environment and a lot of other stuff. I know that I'm probably preaching to the Choir here but take the time and go the extra step to help the earth and reduce the amount of waist that we go through, if we don't do it who else is going to? The little green men from Mars? If there is such a thing! So come on get up don't throw that plastic bottle in the trash set it aside and recycle it.

Airframers and the amusment we find in the simple things

Airframers are a special breed of NAVY worker bees. We are hard working, strong, and best of all amused by the little things. Primary example is how they guys I work with began entertaining themselves with foam from a part. They first began by throwing the the foam around the shop and trying to hit people with the foam, then they progressed to trying to stick their heads through the cut out in the foam. It was amusing to watch them do that, but the thing is don't let the guys anywhere near tape or zip ties or else you will have your hands zip tied behind your back and possibly have yourself tapped to a chair. Then if they get tired of throwing around just plain old foam they might find the tape. Then they will take the tape and wrap the foam up into a foam tape ball and throw it around the room. Sometimes the amusing part is just sitting inside the helicopter swapping sea stories back and forth. But then again it's also funny when someone finds out they have advanced to the next paygrade and their told to go stand in the corner, all the while that person is standing there trying not to laugh with you. Why oh why are we they way we are? We are a strange bunch of people so strange that some have been known to swing from the rafters and act like a monkey...seriously...others will just cut you off when you're talking and tell you to shut up, well even when you're not saying anything they will do it. Go figure at the strangeness.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Understanding...or not

Sometimes when you need someone to understand or many someones to understand they don't. They may or may not try. The only person that would know if they did or did not would be them. My friends, well most, with the exception of two don't seem to really understand why I do what I do. Friends are there to support you and be there for you through the bad times, it doesn't mean that they agree with what you are doing. Most of my friends don't understand why I still love Him, or why I still want to be with him. First of all they are not us, so therefore they don't understand what is between us or what we have talked about on a one on one bases, and second of all they may not have the devotion and patience and possibly the love that I posses. I'm the type of person that doesn't give up or doesn't want t0 give up. I don't do the bashing of the one that has hurt me and I'm not putting my life on hold. My friends seem to think that I'm putting my life on hold for Him, and I'm not. I will see other people if the occasion arises, but it will only be to fill the void. I don't want to be with any other person at this moment and I don't know when or if I will want to. But it's my decision to make, and I appreciate their concern, I just need them to understand that it's my decision to make and I'll make the one that suites me the best. Love is not a light switch, you can't turn it off and on at a moments notice.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Short comings and having it pointed out to you over and over again

Sometimes, I really don't get some people and their actions. I don't understand why people say they want to help when in all actuality they just want to do what they always do. Point and laugh at you. You can try your best and the moment you don't pass and don't fail there their to say that you failed that you don't know what you're doing. They point it out to you and it feels like someone is cutting you deep, the old rubbing salt into your wounds deal. It sucks, it makes me want to crawl into a hole and disappear. I don't like people knowing my business, mainly because the moment something happens there are a what feels like a million people there to point it out to you over and over again. I came very close to hitting someone today, and I'm not like that at all. But when someone repeatedly calls you a failure and has been there calling you such for years you reach the end of the rope, and all you want is for them to leave you alone and stop pointing out my faults. I don't know why it's always the nice people that get the short end of the stick. It's like you can never win no matter how hard you try. Makes you want to disappear, you try and you try and then you try again but you didn't make it the last time. Are they so insecure in their own body they have to make you feel even more insecure in yours? I just want to be left alone, I want people to quit harassing me and saying bad things about me, but that will never happen. I can say it all I want and it does nothing. It takes a lot to get me to the point where if you don't shut up I will turn around a slug you as hard as I can! I'm so tired of being the one that gets picked on that people just seem to hate, I don't get it, what did I ever do to them to deserve that? I hate failing and even when I don't fail but don't pass I feel like I failed and then when other people point it out to me and make fun of me and try to say stuff about me, I just want to run hide, cry and scream. I can't take much more, it's driving me insane to have people know my business and my short comings, I try my best and it's never any good, I'm an extremely private person and when you know my business and you shout it to the world it makes we want to leave and never come back. I'm so done with the stupid people I work with I want to go IA or somewhere where their not. I just want and need to go away for a little while, they wont miss me and they don't need me so why should I waste my time trying? They do fine with out me so send me someplace where someone will need me to help somewhere new where I can start over new, with no one there to point out my mistakes and short comings every chance they get.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Not ok...

I'm not ok, and I can pretend all I want that I am but I know that I'm not. I don't want anyone to see me or know how hurt I really am. I don't know what to do, I'm at a loss and very very frustrated. Sometimes when I think of the great times we had together I wonder why and how we got here to this point. I don't understand it I really don't and talking about it doesn't even help it just makes me even more frustrated because I can't do anything about it, not matter how hard I try I can't. I'm so hurt no one can understand and I really don't want advice form people, I just don't know what to do. I think now about how his friends must be really happy that he's gotten rid of me and his family too. His family never even met me and is probably glad that were no longer together. He meant so much to me and I can't even tell him, it's like we never meant anything to each other, and I almost wish I had never met him, never fallen in love with him, never seen him again. I can say again and again how confused and I don't understand how this happened, but it doesn't do anything. I loved him so much, and I just want to understand this, I want to know what I should do, but no one can tell me that. Part of me just wants to hurt him so bad for hurting me to understand how I feel. He's always been the one I could talk to and now I can't even talk to him. The other part wants to just put him in box and forget, I just want to forget everything so I don't have to feel this way. I want to send everything he ever gave me back to him, hurt him. But I really don't want to, I just want to understand, I just want to talk to him and I NEVER GOING TO GET THAT!!!! I'm so tired, I'm tired of talking about it and I'm tired of thinking, I miss him though and I just wish I had never met him.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Curve ball

Just when you think that things can't get anymore complicated than they already are, you get thrown a curve ball. So, my curve ball comes from one of my friends. Naturally. This is the one friend that I haven't talked to that much in months. Probably due to the fact that he had a girl-friend, I don't know, and it doesn't really matter. My phone goes off at 3:30 this morning and I'm hoping that it's my guy, but in the back of my mind I know it's not before I even look at the phone. There's only one person I know of that will text me that early in the morning. He starts off saying he's not in a mood right now. Naturally I'm a little confused, I know he doesn't accidentally text me anything. Then the other one said that he needed someone to talk to. Well at that point I'm awake so I bite, I asked him what's up, and he goes on to say that he's told his girl-friend to leave to go back to her parents house, and that he's really worried about going IA and not seeing his son for a year. Mostly he doesn't want his son to grow up with out a father. I told him he wasn't dead, so he's not going to grow up without him. He just has to go away for a little while then he gets to come back and be with him. He tells me that I understand him, and I've been the only one that he has trusted with a lot of things and he just needs to talk to me. His girl just doesn't understand and is no help to him. He said he moved back to the other side of the river for a reason he doesn't know but he missed having me near. Go figure ya know! He says he wants to be next to me, he needs someone to hold. I'm a little taken aback by what he says, I can't believe this is coming from him of all people. Then he said he liked having me there before, and it's just something for me to know. We continue to talk for a little while longer until I ask if he really needs to talk to someone in person, and if so I'll come get him, since he didn't want to drive. We meet at ihop and talk for another hour or so, then we came back to my house and crashed. It was nice I'll admit to have someone in the house with me, but it's just not the same as with Him. Being with Might Mouse is incredible, I love it when he would hold me close, the sound of his breathing, and just knowing that he was beside me was an incredible feeling. I'm very devoted to that man, and I'm not ready to give up, or to give it all up without a second glance. He's the love of my life, and I'm nothing without him. I don't know what I'm going to do about my curve ball, I'm not with and I'm not without my guy. The only thing I know to do is to be a friend and that's all, that's all I can be. I will just keep looking for Orion, maybe he'll help us find each other again.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Never knowing the right thing to do.

Sometimes I never know what the right thing to do is. As far as trying to work things out without seeming pushy or crazy. I tend to over analyze, and fret about what I've written or said. Did I do the right thing my telling him why I deleted him? Did I do the right thing by emailing him to talk about it a little more in depth? That's one of the many things I get so irritated with about myself. There are times when I'm the strong one, and can fight for what I want, but then there are those times when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Then the other half of the time I get absorbed in worrying about the future I loose the present, and add to the sabotaging of my relationship with the love of my life. As I was sitting there talking to my friend Minnie last night, she told me to be strong and had faith that we could still work through things and remain together. She was right last time, so I trust her judgment. But, as we were talking about what had happened, and why, I told her about the myspace bashing, and how I think a part of us loosing ourselves was due to the fact that his friends were in the house. Now, that may not seem like a real problem, but when you're doing the guy a favor by letting him stay there because he's gotten in trouble and your place is only 5 min from base versus 30 min, and you still try to talk to your girlfriend that's a thousand miles away, and talk to her normally it gets a little tough in my opinion. They guy and his girl were only going to be there for a week or so to watch after his place while he went to Texas at the end of February, well a week turned into about a month. It got harder and harder to talk to him when he wasn't alone or in his room. He would be out in the house talking to me then he would be in the same room, and the guy and his girl would begin to talk to him, then he would try and talk to them to answer whatever they were saying. There were times when I had to ask for him to call me back because it was hard to understand who he was talking to or what he was talking about. Then he would go out to eat with them and call me, and still try and talk to them. I would get so frustrated, because it's hard enough to have one conversation over the phone, but to try and have 3 conversations while on the phone gets a little tough. Yes, I would get a little aggravated but with all due cause. I think that when you have guest invited or over extended guests it can cause problems with anyone. Things were good before they came and stayed, then things got more difficult. I don't know if I'm right or not. Sometimes I just feel like an idiot.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Hurting of the heart and the pain of myspace

How do you go on when your heart has been broken into a million little pieces? Where do you find the strength to go on after so long? I have been in love with the most increadable man for the past five years of my life. I met him when I went out on my first six month gulf deployment. He was waiting on divorce papers, and I was just trying to get by. We began to talk to each other more and hang out on occasion and go to dinner on the mess decks. Before we knew it, we had fallen for each other, then again before we knew it the divorce papers had changed her mind, so he did the honnorable thing and tried to work things out, and stay for the sake of his son. We remained close friends and talked when we could. There was a period of absolutly no communication between us until recently, when I decided to email him just to say happy birthday. A few months after that communication between us began to increase and we were like two pees in a pod again. Talking, laughing and having a lot of fun with each other. Then finally one day he writes to tell me that he's made his desicion, he was going to get divorced. Seperate for now, then file the papers when he got back off deployment. I couldn't believe it after all the years of seeing other people and never having the same feeling that I had with him, and after him wanting to be with me for as long we were finally going to have our opportunity. Things were great for us they really were. We got to see each other for the fist time in years and it was an amazing time. Being able to be with him and fall asleep next to him, was the most amazing thing in the world to me. He had told me he wanted to marry me, and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me being happy and loving me. He even called me the his future wife. Then from out of no where (or at least to me) things changed. He's telling me we weren't meant to be, that he met someone and only knew them for 25 minutes and he felt something different for them that he'd never felt for me. That hurt more than you know, more than anyone could fathom. The man you love, the one you had planned to marry telling you it's over before it's even had a chance to really bolossom. We agreed to start over and take a step back, but I didn't anticipate my words to him comming back to haunt me in the form of his friends attacking me on myspace. All of a sudden the own your friends application isn't that fun anymore becuase the man you love, his message on own your friends reads that his female friend thinks he shouldn't be owned by a crazy b****. Then today it was changed again to his female friend and her husband jumping on the band wagon of calling me that. I deleted him, and it hurt, I took his picture off my computer and it hurt worse. I don't like the way I feel at the moment, I never thought I would be attacked on myspace like that or be hurt in this way by people who don't even know me. I feel like a zombie, I'm just trying to go on day by day, all the while hurting and not understanding what happened, why after five years of wanting to be with a person you throw it away in a matter of hours for no real reason. You can say it's because I was acting like the ex or because I got mad at something stupid you did and you got mad at me for something i did. To me your friends or our friends need to stay out of our relationship and let it be just us. They shouldn't bee the big influence on what happens or what you do, they should be there to give advice and support but not to attack. I'm walking around a former version of myself. I feel numb, confused, and really hurt. I never wanted to shut him out of my life, but I think I may just have to do that. I have loved him for so long and he's be my best friend through out everything, it's going to be hard not having him again. The funniest thing is, after everything I still love him and I still miss him.