Mike

A few days ago my mom posted something about Mike. It was the story of who she thought for the longest time was Mike, but as it turned out was just one of my Chiefs that I was friends with.

That happened on my first cruise, and sometimes it feels like it happened yesterday.

We had a lot of fun together then, and still did until recently. But that's another story for another day.

It made me a little sad to read that, but it was still funny at the same time. It's one of those bitter sweet memories that people like to talk about.

I don't think I even knew at that point how much I loved him. It's surprising to know that my mom knew before me that I was in love with him. And I do love him still very very much so.

There has been so much that has happened between then and now. Good and bad. The one thing that hasn't changed is how much I love him. I know my Mom, and other people may not understand, but I can't explain it. The best way I can though is to say "You're not Me" and the fact is that you don't feel what I feel or hear or say what I say.

I know it's tough, I can't make it easy for anyone not even myself to understand. I'm stubborn and head strong to the very end.

The night that I know I fell in love with him was our first "date" if you want to call it that. We were in Dubai and that morning I had literally ran into him in the p-way outside my birthing. We went to the Sandbox and wound up staying out there the entire day. Playing pool, walking around and talking, and enjoying each others company.

I don't think I had ever talked to someone for that long that I hadn't really known before. But it was one of the best nights of my life. There was just something about him that made me so comfortable and so attracted to him.

After the sun went down that night, it started to get a little cold, and I asked him to walk back with me to grab my coat, naturally he agreed, he's southern and he's a gentlemen, what else would he say. As we walked back to the ship, he put his arm around me, and told me he wanted to kiss me. Oh man, did I want him to do that. But were in the Navy and there's no PDA!!

We spent the next few hours drinking, laughing, and having so much fun. I sat there next to him and knew that I never wanted to be with anyone else.

But due to circumstances beyond my control, it took 5 years for us to finally be with each other again, be in love with each other, give in to every emotion we held back from each other, and share the love we had for each other. But not everything ends with a happy ending....in the blink of an eye, without warning he was gone from me...gone from us....

Maybe my happy ending is still to come, maybe someday I will heal....but I will always have Dubai and the Sandbox.