Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Trying and epicly, seemingly, failing

There's a saying that goes; You try, you fail, you try again.....

Then why is it that I am seemingly failing at every turn? Is it me or is it my surroundings?

That's the question I ask myself on a daily bases...there used to be so many aspects of my job that I liked, but they have fallen by the way side recently.

There were so many good, great, and even better day's at my last command. But then again, there were bad days too. The thing is, the bad didn't out weigh the good, and everyone around there had your back no matter what. We were a family. We worked together, we lived together, we drank together, and yes, we even fought together. But that's what happens when you spend a majority of your day with the people you work with, that's the way you become.

To me, now...I work in a hostel unhealthy, chauvinistic driven environment. I have no leadership what so ever and it's very frustrating. I've been in for almost 8 years now, and this is the worst I have ever seen. You know that it's bad when the people that write you up don't have the full story, don't care if they do or don't there the buddy of your LPO, they go out and drink with them, and party with them and get away with EVERYTHING!!!

No matter how hard you try to do your job well, at some point you wind up failing.

I don't like that at all...I don't think people should aide in your failing, they should help you succeed, but they don't. I'm running on thin ice, no matter what I don't know what to do besides keep trying. The thing is, I'm tired of failing at trying. Everyone has a breaking point, and I get shoved towards mine on a daily bases.

When do you or when do I throw in the towel? When is enough, enough? Why is it that I tend to be "The one" the one who gets blamed, the one who seemingly finds herself in matter how hard I try, I don't seem to succeed.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Blame game

Q:Have you ever been afraid to go to work?

My answer: Yes, I have.

You might be wondering why on earth someone would be afraid or fear going to work...well I'll explain.

I work with a bunch of adolescent, juvenile males...who think they are quite possibly gods in their own right. I work with a couple of females too one's not so bad the other gets on my last nerve, but that's besides the point. These males that I work with are not the most cooperative of people and a few are not even good leaders and they have been into a leadership position.

Still you're wondering, Why is she afraid?

I'm afraid of what they will blame on my next on how much trouble I will be in because I'm not there to defend myself, nor is their anyone else in that shop that will defend me. If something is not going the way it's supposed to, they do their best to find an escape therefore I'm it.

I went on vacation, a real vacation to me for two weeks, and I knew something would go wrong while I was gone and I would pay the price...I was right.

I'm not perfect by any means, and I don't pretend to be. I do my best to my job to the best of my ability but lately it's become to much and I want out. My program at work that I'm in charge of is training. That's monitoring at least 25 peoples qualifications and doing my best to stay on top of it but it's more difficult than people realize.

The people I work with are very critical of pretty much anything I do. I've been accused of being critical too, but I've never made someone feel as if they don't matter or that their just a walking piece of crap. My good friend Red says it should be "water off a ducks back" it's getting there but it still makes me so mad, that no matter how hard I try, to them I always seem to fail.

When I went to work in the morning I was already dreading it, maybe you could say I brought the animosity on to myself with the dread of going to work. The moment I walked into the shop and tried to start getting my "ducks in a row" I got bitched at and blamed.

They had already blamed me for causing them to work Saturday, and criticized me for trying to get my alternate his multiple views in our training program temporally taken away, so that he couldn't go in there and delete some of his qualifications. Maybe I was in the wrong, but the girl in maint admin who threw me under the bus, well let's just say I will not be talking to her any time soon...she should've learned her lesson the first time she threw someone under the bus.

When our extremely annoying jack-ass of a second class that likes to THINK he's a LEADER came in he automatically started b!*&^ing me out...why I don't understand or know. But he starts yelling at me as if I've done something wrong. Saying that I can't sit in the shop and work on my program anymore, since the girl I can't stand worked on my program for me until 9 one evening...gee how many off duty hours has she ever put in?

I say "No biggie, I can't come in and work on it during the weekend" and he then he gets his panties in an even bigger bunch and yells "it is a big deal, she stayed here 'till 9 one night, you have to work late or something you can't work on it during the day."

Now, who died and made him a Master Chief?

It was all down hill from there although one of my good friend Giggles tried to cheer me up with a fried twinki, and some of his home made gumbo. Which was very good and he said he would make more just for me.

The other part of the blame game was they were saying that the stuff they needed to scan in (which I'm still wondering what they needed to scan since we had everything scanned in already) was at my house. I'm still a little confused at who started THAT one, considering the binder that has all the paperwork was in the cabinet above my desk. Makes you wonder did they even TRY to LOOK!?!?

When I came in I had looked for my binder because I had other things to put in there but it wasn't on my desk, and when I asked Princesses (the girl I can't stand) that's when I was informed for the second time that day that I had the binder at my house...because that's what someone said...honestly does anyone look anymore? All I had to do was move some binder's around in the cabinet above my desk and there it was, granted not where I had left it, but it was still in the shop...

Nothing will appease these angry gods who have a really big stick up their butts. I hate going to work because I just know I'll get in trouble for something or another...I'm afraid of getting in trouble for stupid stuff that I have no control over. Mountains out of mole hills has lost it's appeal.

I've got less than a year left and I want out of that hostel environment out the shop and out of the command.