Monday, May 13, 2013

What does that feel like?

It's been a while since I've been able to commit myselft to writing my thoughts and everyday worries down. So, here I am again bearing it all for the greater good...or just for those that by some chance of fate happen across my little piece of mind.

I think the thing that irks me the most is, the feeling of insignificance, or in basic terms being ignored by those around you, mostly your friends.

I'm not sure whyit bothers me, perhaps it's from feeling ignored by my father for a majority of my life, but that is a story for another time.

It is never a pleasant feeling being ignored by people who you want to have a conversation with. It's only human to want to have a connection with people other than your family, or in my case, my dog. When that happens,  it makes me feel like crap, that I'm just so insignificant to that person that I'm not even a mere blip on there radar.

People have a history of having that effect on me, of making me feel time and time again that I do not matter, and every time I let thm get away with it. It's enough to drive you mad and really question yourself and your own motives for most anything that has something to do with the one that person.

When is it enough? When do you decide to throw in the towel and just say "to Hell with it all?"

That's what I want to know, when do I just give up? It exasperates my patience to try and try and try, maybe it is insanity by asking the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I don't want to be to drama queen and just say "I get the hint, I'll shut up and leave you alone I will never ask a damn thing of you again?"

I've been down that road before and I'd prefer to not go back down there.

I just hate feeling so insignificant to people when I never view them that way.

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