For me, being in the lime light is not a good thing. Well, it is but it isn't. Most people love the spotlight and enjoy the attention that they get. NOT ME!
I'm probably one of those rare people who do not like having anything focused on them for more than just a few minutes.
The reason for that is because the moment something good like that happens, and the moment after that when you make a mistake...there are a gazillion fingers pointing at you, criticizing, and basically saying you failed, you didn't deserve to have that good thing happen to you. You're a failure.
That then leads to the embarrassment of forgetting something as simple as not remembering to check to make the air was turned on, having to ask for help, and being looked down upon because you had to ask.
Humiliation and embarrassment at failing and not being able to perform my job to the best of my ability is not the most pleasant of feelings, I don't enjoy feeling that way at all.
I'm very lost at this moment. I'm lost in a lot of things, and I don't know which way to go, I need help and be show they way out, but I guess I will have to struggle a little longer in order to claw my way out. Let's just hope I survive.
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