Fear again

I know I have talked about fear before, and the fact that it is the one thing that wants to shove your head under water and keep in there, while you do all you can to push up and grasp a tiny breath. In my life, i have a lot of fear. Why? I'm not entirely sure, in my honest opinion, i have beliefs but that may or may not be why.

What brings this topic up again is Zelda. Zelda has just recently been divorced from her husband of two years. Of those two years that they were married, I would say only about nine months to a year were actually spend co-habitating. They had been living together before they were married when they were both stationed in Virginia, but when the got married she was stationed here in Jax, and he was still up in VA. It is sad to say the it was doomed from the beginning.

Zelda has (in my opinion) had a difficult time coming to terms with the fact that her marriage had ended or was ending. The whole time they were separated she kept wearing her ring, and she was already seeing someone else. Most people would have said that they were already divorced or separated and may or may not have worn there ring, such as she did. She has always felt throughout everything that she was still married. But that is her attitude towards her situation.

Although she has moved on and found a wonderful man who adores her and has waited for her, and would go to the ends of the earth for her, she is a little afraid. I don't blame her, I mean I would be too. As much as they both want a life together, they have spent the past six months apart. Zelda is back in Texas, and Ducky (sa copine) is in Virginia. She has gotten into a routine down there and she's afraid that everything that she felt for him might not still be there.

We had a nice long talk about that. It is a little scary when you are away from your significant other for such a long period of time, and after a while you have a routine without them, so when you think about including them in your routine again, it's a bit scary. You don't know what will happen when they are included into the routine again, but unless you let go of the tree and walk out on that limb, you'll never know what could have been. Don't let fear win! The moment it has won, it will do all it can to keep you from ever coming back up again.

I told Zelda that she should trust her feelings and not the fear. She would like to get married and have kids as much as Ducky does, but she's afraid. Mainly because of the ex-hubby. I told her to not only trust what he has said to her, look at his actions. Ducky does his best to include her into the major decisions of his life. He's currently looking for orders, and asked her where he thinks "they" should go. He want to go over seas, but she said she can't follow him overseas because they are not married yet, and she keeps putting it off.

Zelda has admitted that she's afraid, but then again I told her to think of his (Ducky's) parents, they talk to you and adore you and already consider you family. Did the ex-hubby family do that? Mmm, his brother and maybe a few others, but not his Mom. That woman, did not like Zelda at all. And when she asked his mom for help during their difficult time, she ignored her and blew her off, believing that her son would never put his hands on a woman.

Zelda thanked me for being "enlightening" I hoe she was sincere, I believer her to be but I'm unsure of most everything. Sometimes, it takes an outsider to talk to you and with you, so you can get a better perspective on how things could be. Sometimes that person winds up being one of your best friends that does what they can for you, and even if you yell at them, they are still there to back you up.

I'm not sure what Zelda will do. It breaks my heart to think she doubts what she feels. I told her that they are the perfect match for each other because they do their best to communicate and include each other in their daily lives. We both agreed that never happened with the ex. It was always what he wanted to do, and not what they wanted to do. Relationships have to be a give and take. One person can't give all and the other person can't take all. Some relationships do that, but then where do they end up?

I'm hoping that by talking to her and being their to listen as well as dish out my opinion as we have always done, that I have helped her in some way. The man she is in love with is a great big 'ol teddy bear, he was raised by some great parents, and raised by a military father, which in my opinion again, has helped shape him into the kind and generous man that he is. I consider Ducky my brother. He became part of my extended family when Zelda brought him to movie night one night, because he was the new guy in the shop. I consider him as on of the girls, and a great friend to have. I look forward to the day that he and Zelda finally get married. Once that happens, and the ducklings start to come, they will truly be the most deliriously happy people I know.