The question of why

As I was walking through the mall the other day, I began to wonder why we do some of the things we do. Why do we do our best to steer clear of someone who is older and walks slower than we do? I just wonder if anyone has ever stopped to think how they feel? Why do we need to steer clear of someone who is different than we are, its not as if we wont be there ourselves someday, I guess you could say it is the principle of the matter. At some point in time they were our age, young, healthy, and vibrant only time has stolen what remains of their health and youth from them on a daily basis. It's not to say, we need to feel sorry for them, because they are old and slower, but have a greater respect for them because they are older and have survived more in their time than what the much younger generation has.

Sometimes I wonder how they feel...and what goes on in their head, like what are they thinking about. How do they feel about us, the younger generation?  What was their life like growing up?

The biggest question of why is, why is it that people feel the need to hurt the ones that they are supposed to love, why not treat them with the respect that have given you throughout the years? Respect is lacking these days all around, sometimes I think we as people and even as Americans have forgotten where we came from and how we got to where we are.

I often have dreams, where the people in my dreams hurt me deliberately. I try my hardest to turn around and hurt them right back, but I am unable. Why is that? Is it because my nature is that of one who does not wish to hurt anyone deliberately, or one who prefers to stay out of the spot light, so to speak? I am a person of a million questions, that will probably remain unanswered. It's my belief that a majority of the questions are rhetorical. It does not sit well with me when those that are close to me, are deliberately hurt by someone they love and respect. Insults hurled at them, and the past not being let got of...most of it tends to be a family trait...but still, it's not ok for them to be hurt simply because their past has not been let go of, or because the are misunderstood. All of them can be an excuse, although hurting someone is not an excuse.

I have felt, for many years, the "black-sheep" of my fathers family. When I was little I wondered why my Dad never saw me, or why I didn't hear from a majority of his family until I was of an age to understand, and reach out to them. My aunt says I never was a "black-sheep," but just because someone said it was not so does not make it so to me. People and even families, whether the know it or not, do deliberately ostracize people from society and groups. It an inexcusable action. Why, seriously, why do they need to be "kicked out" of a society group or a family when they have done nothing to deserve it? Is it because they have a "new family" so therefore the old can not be kept with the new? Or is it something much deeper?

My family, has always been (on both sides) very concealing and even cold with their emotions. I will exclude my mother and my aunts (her sisters) from this group. Mom has done the best she could with the tools that she was given as a child, and I have never felt unloved by my mother, father, yes, but never mom. Mom has given and given to me, and although we may not understand what each other is asking of wanting, somehow we have always found a way to understand each other.

My heart feels for the people that feel the cold brush of love from a family, simply from lack of clarity or other reasons that are un-named. I can't be harsh towards those that were harsh and cold to my loved one, they are still my family regardless, and I do not know why they did and said what they did. Its worse when there is one person there, that is believed to be the backup, but instead their the ones that cause the pain too. It's something that I've discussed before, and have still left wondering why. Why does the matriarch of my family, treat the ones that are not blood and even those that are, with such callous disregard? It is unfair, and confusing at the same time.

I will continue to ask the question of why, it is just who I am, and the way my brain works. My twin says I am one of the most caring people (persons?) she knows, I do my best to care about everyone else, I do firmly believe in do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If we treat everyone, no matter who the hell they are, black, white, purple, or green with blue polka-dots with a little bit more respect then maybe their will be a few lesser questions of why, I doubt it but I would hope that maybe someday we can truly understand the question of why.

C'est la vie, bonne nuit...